2016: Expectations vs Reality

A week ago (? ish) I read a post about the expectations of 2016 vs the reality of 2016 by lifeofaninspiredteen and really related. 2016 has been a pretty intense year. From changing my major 3 (?) times, finishing my freshman year of high school, getting my first big girl job, etc. etc.

On New Year’s Day or a few days after, I posted a New Year’s Resolution post of sorts and almost all of the things on there are exactly what are on my summer bucket list. As in they have yet to be done, or I have kept up with them so far and need to continue my streak. So I’m doing pretty good there. However, those aren’t really substantial… more like get a new piercing and meet my step goal everyday not decide what to do with your life.

My expectations were a lot different than the reality. It’s July. By this time in 2016 I figured I would have gotten a job at the Fruitful Yield (health food store by my house), been registered for classes at ASU and started gathering things I would need for my aunt’s house, have painted my room at home, gotten straight A’s at SDSU, gotten a boyfriend (haaaha), slimmed down a bit, and had started looking for engineering scholarships, internships, clubs, etc. I also thought I would be saving money to join the sorority of my choosing at ASU.

The harsh reality:

Job: The Fruitful Yield requires at least one year of job experience which apparently nannying is not, So, I’m working for my dad in a warehouse, packing marshmallows and cutting myself on cardboard boxes every 15 minutes (no joke I bled 3 times today *upside down smiley emoji*).

ASU: hahaha we all know that my life is a mess and picking a college I will excel at is just too large of a task to handle.

Aunt’s house: I may be living with her in the fall and taking classes online so I don’t have to live at home and keep working at the warehouse but I really don’t know yet. So, we may be on track but we also may not be.

Painted room: HA HA HA no. Before I left for college my sister and I switched rooms because I knew I wouldn’t be at home that often. Her room has been yellow since we bought the house and I really hate the color. I just want white… IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?! I don’t know. I did tell my dad that if I do end up staying home I either get to paint this room or move all of my stuff to the basement

Straight A’s: College is hard and not getting a 4.0 is okay and I am accepting it. Adjusting to college is difficult, let alone taking upper division and honors courses. Straight A’s will come. Just study and be patient.

Boyfriend: LOL

Slimmed down: I have lost 20 ish pounds this year since going vegan and really taking care of myself. I’ll get to where I want to be but loving my current self is definitely more important than anything else right now.

Engineering: I’ve posted about wanting to do engineering for some time, realizing I never actually did want to become an engineer and changing my major to something i actually want to do. So, now it’s time to start looking for spanish clubs, scholarships, and internships :’)

Sorority: I have decided that I don’t need to pay money to find friends and really great friends will come naturally. Also, I have become more and more introverted as time has gone on and I don;t have the energy for going out 4 nights of the week and still be expected to hang out with them during the rest of the week too. Just me, and not hating on sororities, My DZ girls were super nice and loving and the sorority life just isn’t or me. Do whatever y’all want.

So, while 2016 has had a few bumps in the road, I’m pretty content with where I am right now and am definitely going to do another one of these posts as 2016 comes to a close. Thanks again to lifeofaninspitedteen for making this post originally and inspiring me 🙂

Alicia

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July 4th, 10:06am

10:06 am, the first firework has been heard.Seated on the porch of my grandpa’s house, shoes off, reading a novel, and there it is. It is officially the 4th of July, America’s birthday.

On this day, we celebrate freedom, pride, and the ability to light fireworkds, hoping to not blow off a child’s leg.

Yet, why is it, that just a few homes down, confederate flags are still hung high? Why is it that people are killed everyday because of our lack of gun control? Why is it that the term Democrat or Republican will determine who we can be civil with? Why is it that the term home of the free is stated across the country but when someone wants to be free to use the bathroom they identify with, they can’t? When did the term “freedom and justce for all” become “fredom and justice for those who can afford it”? When did celebrating the birth of the free nation become a day to wallow in beer and see who can blow off the biggest firewroks without having the cops called on them?

America has a lot of issues, but their biggest is being a hypocrite. We wanted a country where every citizen could have religious freedom, political freedom, a freedom of speech, etc. Yet, unless you are a devout, weekly church going Christian, you’re looked down upon. You can’t speak of your political views without some shit pile calling you out and saying everything you believe in is wrong and you’re an idiot for having beliefs. Speaking your mind is basically walking on eggshells because you can’t say anything without half of your facebook friends getting offended.

Everyone says how much they love America, one day a year. The other 364 days a year we bicker, fight, and hate on everyone in the enire country. We can’t get along, we never have. We are still just as divided as we were during the days of the Civil War. And, as far as I can see, nothing is going to change any time soon.

It just infuraites me that we can have so much love for a country, one day a year, and then every other day act as if we aren’t citizens of the same country. As a country that some call the “melting pot,” we really should be called “picky child’s plate who throws what she doesn’ like on the ground” because in all honesty, that’s what we are. And I don’t know about everyone else, but I for one, hate it.

But, Happy 4th of July everyone. Glad we’re all civil today, can’t wait for every Republican and 2nd ammendment enforcer to go back to hating me in a mere 9 hours.

Alicia

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June Reflection

From turning 19, to starting my new job, June has been quite an intense and busy month. Not only has it been busy, tiring, and all around hectic, it has been quite eye opening. I’ve learned a lot, done a lot, and slept a lot :/. All in all, I loved June.

Starting my first big girl job, technically began on May 31st… but that’s basically June. It has been tortuous and hard but I have learned a lot about hard work and met a lot of wonderful people. So, despite it being rough and my body still aching every day after work, I do like my job. I do not think, however, that I could do this longer than a summer.

This month I made the decision to give up social media. And my oh my was that the best decision of the summer. I am happier, more social, and while not up to date on everything, I have been able to focus more on myself which is something I typically don’t do.

Speaking of focusing on myself, I was finally able to pinpoint aspects of my life I was not content with. Not only that, but I also had the courage to discuss these things. Yes, I am talking about my college conundrum.

I typically am able to speak up for myself when I’m not happy with something, however, when it’s your family who wants you to do something and is paying the vast majority of tuition to do that something, you tend to be stuck between a rock and a hard place. My whole life I had excelled at everything math and science. Out of over 100 students my freshman year, I was ranked #4 for my algebra class. It’s a pretty solid accomplishment, especially since I was adapting to a new environment and still managed to get almost a 100% in the class. Anyways, it’s something I am naturally good at. Naturally, my family assumed I would do something in the math and science field and wanted me to do so in order to get a high paying job. It took every ounce of courage and bravery to stand up to my family and tell them I wanted to do something completely out of that ballpark and I’m so proud of myself for doing that and overcoming this obstacle in my life.

Finally, I turned 19. A pretty insignificant year if you ask me. One year closer to 21, but also one year closer to adulthood. Nonetheless, I turned 19 and had the delight of sleeping in and eating some very cute, and very yummy vegan and gluten free cupcakes.

I am in a really good place right now and loving life. Farewell June, bring it on July.

Alicia

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73 Things that Make Me Happy

This summer has been a sort of making myself into who I want to be, in a sense. Ever since I have been making my own decisions and doing things that I want and love to do, I have been exuding happiness and smiling more. So, I have seen quite a few of these sorts of lists and wanted to make one for myself.

  1. The smell after it rains
  2. Freshly washed sheets
  3. Getting into bed right after a shower, with shaven legs and a big t-shirt
  4. The smell of the flower section at Trader Joe’s
  5. Freshly brewed coffee
  6. The feeling of the sun on your skin when you’ve been inside for a while.
  7. Crossing things off of checklists
  8. Drinking lemonade in the summer
  9. Not having to get out of the bed in the morning
  10. Getting complimented
  11. When I reach my Fitbit step goal for the day
  12. Taking a nap after a long day at work
  13. Pay Day
  14. Reorganizing something that desperately needed it
  15. Finally finishing cleaning my room
  16. Cooking
  17. When I get home from somewhere and my dog is the first one to greet me
  18. Fresh fruit and vegetables
  19. Walking barefoot in the grass
  20. Singing along to a song in the car
  21. Sunrises
  22. Sunsets
  23. The sound of the Ocean
  24. The smell of the Ocean
  25. Baby goats
  26. Baby pigs
  27. Really any animal let’s be honest
  28. Waking up in the middle of the night and realizing you have more time to sleep
  29. The cold side of the pillow
  30. Wearing a new outfit
  31. The sound of an ice cream truck
  32. Feeling confident
  33. Having an all around good day
  34. Getting a text from someone you haven’t talked to in a while
  35. Dairy-free ice cream
  36. Getting a day off of work
  37. Printed photographs
  38. Scrapbooks
  39. Getting new shoes
  40. Getting my nails done
  41. Getting a haircut… that I actually don’t hate
  42. Hanging out with friends for the first time in a while
  43. Writing
  44. Museums
  45. Getting flashed a smile from a stranger
  46. Listening to a band’s new album for the first time
  47. Early morning when all you hear are birds chirping
  48. The color blue
  49. Bookstores
  50. Volunteering
  51. Small towns
  52. Crunchy leaves
  53. My favorite pair of jeans
  54. When people use the correct form of ‘your’
  55. Taking my shoes/bra off after a long day
  56. Candles
  57. No dirty dishes in the sink
  58. Making lists
  59. Playing cards with a big group of people
  60. Coloring Books
  61. Watching Dr. Pimple Popper videos
  62. Disney movies
  63. Seeing pictures people took of me doing things when I didn’t know I was being photographed
  64. My smooth skin after shaving my legs
  65. The smell of my shampoo
  66. Office supply stores
  67. Notebooks
  68. Stargazer Lilies
  69. Murals
  70. Potatoes
  71. Cobblestones streets
  72. Rainbows
  73. Stickers

Alicia

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Giddy but Inconclusive

Alrighty-o fam. Here we are, still giddy and such despite having worked a full shift on my feet today and wanting to pass out.

Now, we have made it this far with my college choice and major decision, here comes the hard part: choosing a school. I can recall quite vividly crying on my couch as I scrolled over every college website I possibly could, without having a major in mind. Never in my life did I think I would have to complete this process all over again unless of course, I would be attending graduate school (besides the point). However, at this point, I have a solid major and minor combo (Spanish major with photojournalism minor)  and need to find a school containing both, being cheap, and probably closer to home. I didn’t really miss home but it’s a request of my family. Also,  my training I have to go to is based out of the midwest so it helps that I’ll be closer. Also, I sort of want a smaller school because I felt like I knew like 2 people at SDSU because of how big it is.

Funny isn’t it, how when choosing my first college I wanted as far from home as I could get, big school, warm weather, and a school with a football team. After me realizing that my parents weren’t just going to sneak up on me any random time, attending one football game, and realizing I hated the big school atmosphere, I want the complete opposite from a school. I’m still on boat with the school being as cheap as possible, but honestly, who isn’t?

We have a variety of schools to choose from, not too large of a variety but enough wiggle room to have a few good schools that I’ll be sure to find at least one I love.

The school choices (so far) are…

  1. Cardinal Stritch University (Wisconsin)
  2. Otterbein University (Ohio)
  3. University of Indianapolis (Indiana)
  4. University of Tennessee-Martin (Tennessee)
  5. Andrews Universty (Michigan)
  6. Murray State University (Kentucky)
  7. Ashland University (Ohio)
  8. Winona State University (Minnesota)
  9. The University of Findlay (Ohio)
  10. Xavier University (Ohio)

I’m sort of partial to Xavier University in Cincinnati because that was actually my top choice behind SDSU but I didn’t choose it because they have no football team, it was small, and religious (I know you don’t have to be of that religion to attend but still, Theology 101… really?!)

So, who knows. Might end up at Xavier, might end up at one of the others I mentioned. Or I may even end up elsewhere.

Update on my current schooling situation. I will not be attending ASU in the fall and will most likely be staying here and working or babysitting and whatnot. However, my aunt is in town from Phoenix and still wants me to live with her. So I might go live with my aunt for the fall semester and work but honestly. who knows? Not me.

I have a lot on my plate for the next few weeks and a lot of tough decisions to make. However, I’m happy (and tired) as can be.

Alicia

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Blogger Recognition Award

Hi all! I’ve been pretty distant for the past week. Haven’t really been in the writing mood and haven’t even opened my laptop in over a week. Well, I did today and realized that I was nominated for the Blogger Recognition Award by lifeofaninspiredteen. So first, a huge thank you to her. PS everyone check her out. Cool blog, cool person.

So, basically, there are some rules, some fun stuff and then I get to paste this super cute image at the bottom of my blog for everyone to see. Let’s get started.

Rules:

1. Write a post to show your award.
2. Acknowledge the blogger that nominated you.
3. Give a brief story about how you got started blogging.
4. Give two pieces of advice for new bloggers.
5. Nominate 15 bloggers for the award.

Write a post to show your award (you’re reading it ;))

Acknowledge the blogger that nominated you. ONCE AGAIN SHOUT OUT TO lifeofaninspiredteen

How I started Blogging:

Well, I really don’t know. I mean I do, I just also don’t. I never liked reading and writing despite being relatively decent at it. I would always compare my work to other people and would really beat myself up about not being good enough. When I was 14 I started my weight loss blog to document what I was eating and my exercise schedule and other fun stuff like that. I also started a summer bucket list blog with my then best friend because we were bored and I had stumbled upon another blogger (doesn’t blog anymore or I’d link and shout her out) who had  a summer bucket list blog. And then I guess that sparked my love for writing and I started my personal blog and then another weight loss blog and then this blog here and I got to where I am today.

Advice for new Bloggers:

  1. Post often. The more you post, the more likely it will be that people will end up on your blog and follow you. I really need to work on it, but then again, don’t we all.
  2. Don’t be afraid to comment, like, follow, or chat with other bloggers. When people comment on my blog I head over to their blog and read their posts. like a few, and even give a follow. This is how I have met a ton of cool bloggers and even discovered the blog that nominated me for this award. I love meeting new people and I’m sure I’m not the only one. So put yourself out there, you never know who you might meet. 🙂

Super Cool People I am Nominating:

  1. A Girl’s Voyage
  2. Jay
  3. Adventures of Lightning
  4. Andrea
  5. Kate
  6. Harriet
  7. Sigh this life
  8. Alex
  9. Elm
  10. 6 afraid of 7
  11. Audra
  12. Jay Colby
  13. Alora and Hannah
  14. Marisa
  15. Jen

So, that’s it. Once again thank you to lifeofaninspiredteen for the nom and I hope everyone I nominated follows the rules to keep spreading this awesome award!

Alicia

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What do you want to be when you grow up?

I was babysitting for my neighbor’s kids the other day and as she got home, she asked me if I had picked my major for school. When I told her chemical engineering, her jaw almost dropped. When she finally spoke and asked why, I told her it’s because I’ve always been good with math and science and I’ll get a job easily. She then asked me if I enjoyed it. All of my extracurriculars had involved the things I liked doing (photography, writing, design, leadership) , not what I was known to be best at (math and science). So, what do I really want to be when I grow up?

We all can recall the first time we heard this question. When our teachers asked us this question, our eager 5 and 6-year-old faces lit up as boys shouted president and firefighter and girls exclaimed princess and nurse.

Sadly, I haven’t been asked what I want to do with my life recently. People just assume I will do something in the math and science field or something international (I’ve taken spanish since I was in 5th grade) because these are things I have always been known for excelling at.

In the past 3 years, no one has asked me what I want to do with my life. My aunt and uncle are both engineers, and have instilled the notion that being an engineer is the best thing for me to do because I’m good at math and science and can make a ton of money. One of their friends told their children that they can study whatever they want, after they get an engineering degree. Why? Because engineering makes you the most money.

Why don’t they ask us that when we grow up? Why don’t they ask us what we want to do when we’re choosing our college or university? Why is it, that we’re so obsessed with money and how much we will make? When did making money earn a spot above being happy and enjoying our job?

People tell me what I need to do. I couldn’t decide on a major, so I just said international business so I could put something down on my applications. I never wanted to do business, everyone around me wanted me to. Because I would make money.

Now that I have changed universities, and majors, everyone around me wants me to major in chemical engineering. Why? Because I will be a woman engineer, will get first priority on jobs, and will make money.

Since when did society decide that how much money we make in our lives is more important than how we live our lives? I never wanted to major in business. And I don’t want to major in engineering now. So, what do I do? Do I major in something that makes me happy, maybe never get a job in that field? Or do I live a miserable life of an engineer and have all the money I could ever need?

I’m not too much of a sap but I do believe that we’re here for a reason. We were not born to work 40 hours a week just to be miserable and then go home and be too tired and aggravated with our lives to be happy around our loved ones. Not saying my aunt and uncle aren’t happy. They get ample time off, sabbaticals, and have so much money that they go on multiple cruises every year.

But, why can’t I do that while doing something I love? I don’t want to have kids, hell I might not even get married. I just want it to be my dogs, maybe a goat, and myself. I want a nice house of course, and a nice car, but at the end of the day, when I’m on my deathbed, looking back on my life, am I going to remember the audi and the million dollar house that I had, or am I going to remember my job, where I spent most of my waking hours, my friends and colleagues that I met at that job, and all of the experiences outside of my house?

Shit, I want to do something I love, but the second I said I even considered switching my major to biology and them getting my masters in marine biology, my parents couldn’t have said the words “what about chemical engineering” faster. Why? They just want me to make money and be successful.

When did we define success as how much money you make at the end of the day? Why can’t success be something less materialistic? Why can’t we define success as something worth living for, something great? Something like how many friends I had, how many new places I visited, how much I enjoy my job? Why is success just money and power? When did we all agree that this is what society is going to be, and, why wasn’t I a part of this conversation?

So, what do I want to be when I grow up? Since I’ve started blogging, I have rekindled my love for writing. I love writing, being able to put all of my feelings down on paper, or on the blogosphere. It’s calming and I love seeing how my writing has progressed through time. I love animals. I would love to live on a farm with rehab animals and just help them escape lives of abuse, violence, etc. I would have farm animals, house animals, exotic animals, anything really. I would love, cherish, and care for each and every one of them. I love design. Over the summer. My life is a nonstop HGTV marathon. I love critiquing, agreeing and adding my own opinions on what I would do with each house, room, etc. I love yearbook. My entire highschool career was centered around my school’s yearbook, and although it may have caused me to turn gray early, I loved that class and I can’t imagine my life without it. And, now that I am not active in my school’s yearbook, I miss it. I love the mind. My entire life has been filled with mental illnesses and trying to understand the mind, why can’t I try to help others understand their minds as I have been trying to understand my own?If I could do any one of these things with my life, it would be grand. But, STEM is the way of the future and despite what you want/ like to do with your life, none of it matters if you can’t make money.

Everyone always tells you to never major in journalism, communications, psychology, philosophy. Basically nothing in the school of arts and letters. Major in business, major in STEM. Why? We need people in those fields, or else that major wouldn’t exist. We need biologists, we need therapists, we need writers, we need designers. Why can it be the other person. Why can’t it be me?

So, here we are. I spent countless nights crying myself to sleep because of how stressed I was, how stressed I was because I couldn’t find a major that suited me. And now, here we are, staring blankly at my ceiling wondering why I couldn’t have just picked something I enjoyed all along.

Talk to you all soon,

Alicia

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The Top 100 Inspirational Weight Loss Bloggers

Hi, everyone. Look at me double posting. My life update post will be up in the next few days, however, I was checking my stats page this morning and saw that I had a lot of viewers that were referred to my blog by DietToGo.

Curious as to how that was, I clicked the link in my stats and was brought here

I immediately noticed that the post was entitled “The Top 100 Inspirational Weight Loss Bloggers You’ve Probably Never Heard Of (Until Now)” and got super stoked because people have noticed I exist and they think I’m decently cool.

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Your girl (me) was lucky enough to score spot #13 on that list (happens to be my favorite number too) and I’m just so happy/stoked/honored to be put on this list with so many other amazing bloggers.

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So, I recommend everyone check out DietToGo’s post and check out all of the other amazing bloggers who are also featured on the list. I know I did!

Anyway, I want to say again how excited I am that I was featured and want to thank Caitlin (author of the post) for taking the time to hand select my blog and to read some of my posts. It means so much

Talk to you all soon,

Alicia

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To my brother…

It’s 12:04 am. I retreated to my bed over an hour ago, after receiving this news. I’m laying in bed, thinking of you. I won’t be getting to sleep anytime soon, no matter how long I count sheep or how long I paint pictures of us on my ceiling. I just stare at the ceiling, thinking of you.

It’s funny, isn’t it? How we think we know so much, but in reality we know so little? For my entire 19 years in this planet, It’s been my sister and I, well at least since she was born. I never knew you existed until today. Intriguing, right? I always thought the whole long lost sibling concept kept its place in the box of the television, but here I am, finding out after 19 years of life, I’ve had this older brother all along, and had no idea.

Everyone else knew. Well, not everyone. However, almost all of the adults I spend ample time with knew, yet somehow my sister and I were kept in this bubble of unknowingness for so long.

We sat there, my sister and I, mouths agape, as my our mom told us about you. Our half-brother, who grew up less than 45 minutes from where we live, and somehow we had no idea you existed.

12:09 now. I’m numb, still cozy in bed, still thinking about you. You know I exist, you’ve seen pictures of me. What do you think of me? Did you want two sisters? I always wanted an older brother. I nagged constantly to my mom that I wished I had been born second and that I had an older brother. And I do.

My Our mom showed me your instagram today. You look almost identical to my uncle, Jim, so I know we’re related. You’re my brother. I have a brother. Sorry if I keep saying that. Truth is, the facts haven’t sunk in yet.

As many times as scroll through your pictures, trying to absorb as much as I can through those square photos of your friends, family and 2 cats, I can’t wrap my head around it. How did I not know? How did I not know I had a brother? I have a brother.

12:12 and I’m upright, still trying to process how this happened. How you exist. How I never knew. How everyone kept this a secret from my sister and I for so long. Neither of us can. How did you never come up in conversation? How did your name never slip out?

I want to cry, buy why? What’s the point? I have a brother, and I didn’t know. I think it’s because I always wanted one. I always wanted a brother to look up to, to show me the ropes, to make sure no one picked on me, make sure mom and dad never gave me too hard of a time.

You were 11 when I was born. You had no idea I existed then. That my mom existed. You lived less than 40 minutes away from me but we had no idea. Crazy.

My mom told my sister and I about 6 hours ago now. We were in the living room, I was checking twitter and my sister was eating. She said she had something to tell us that she didn’t know how to say.

Immediately thinking the worst, I assumed someone had died. But really, someone was born, not really but born into my world, anyway.

There isn’t much to say about you. I don’t know you… I may never. I know nothing about you, but you’re my brother.

You were born on June 22nd, 1986 at 2:13 am. Your name is Evan. You have 2 cats. You live in Los Angeles. And I hope you want to meet me. I really do. Because you have two younger sisters that want to meet their big brother.

I love you already, even if you don’t know it yet.
Alicia

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P.S. Sorry I haven’t posted in a while, with finals and getting home a few days ago and then this news I haven’t had much time to do anything.

It hit me today

My high school’s prom was Friday night. As I scroll through instagram post after instagram post, admiring all of my friends’ magnificent flowing gowns and pinned back hair, I came to the realization that that will never be me again. My days of prom, homecoming, and turnabout dress shopping are long over. Now, I shop for dresses for weddings, formals, etc. I realized today that I am no longer a student of my high school, I am in college and my high school days are long gone.

People say you never know when it will hit you. The fact that you’ll probably never see these people again. That graduation night is the last night you will all be together. People say it doesn’t hit you on graduation night. You may cry, but you’re only crying because your mom and grandma are crying. It might hit you when you say goodbye to your best friends. After spending countless hours with them over summer, trying to squeeze every last memory you possibly can in with them until you part ways for 4 months. It might hit you when you pack up your entire life into suitcases, boxes, backpacks. When your room looks foreign to you because of how barren it is. It might even hit you when your parents leave you, alone, in your dorm. When you’re left alone with a roommate that you’ve only spoken to via Facebook chat exchanging social medias and what each of you will bring.

For me, it happened in bursts. Saying goodbye to my friends, I cried. I knew we would be different people when I saw them next. I wasn’t sure I was ready for that. It hit me when my sister had her first day of school and I was still in bed, because I didn’t leave for another week. It hit me, the night before I left. After leaving a friend’s house I drove around my town, driving up and down every street, passing my high school countless times, absorbing every last image of that town I had come to love. I cried. I drove around, listened to old songs and cried. I wasn’t ready and at the same time I was. I wasn’t ready to move on, but I knew that I had to. Saying goodbye to my family, I cried. I wouldn’t see them until family weekend, and I knew I would be different by that time. They weren’t ready for that. It hit me when I came home for winter break, and my room wasn’t my room. It was a bed and a desk where I would spend weeks at a time. But it wasn’t mine anymore. It was mine for so long, but not anymore. I cried my first night home. How no matter how long I lived in that house, how I knew every nook and cranny of that 3 story building, it wasn’t my house anymore. It was a place to vacation, before heading back to my new home- San Diego. My family wasn’t ready for the day that I called San Diego home. I see the hurt expression on my mom’s face every time I say, “I can’t believe I go home in ____ days.” I don’t mean to offend anyone, but it has become my home.

What no one told me is that it would hit me, a year later, scrolling through instagram and checking snapchat stories. No one told me I would miss that school. That school I dreaded going to every morning, would be a place I longed to visit one last time. I could tell you every hallway, every room number, every teacher, all of my friend’s locker numbers, the bell schedule every day of the week. No one told me I would miss it. No one told me that passing by it every break, I would lose a little piece of my high school self.

I hated high school but I loved it all the same. I hated 8am calculus but I loved the teachers and all the students. I hated the smell of the lunchroom but I loved that everyone gathered together for a time of relaxation. What no one told me is that despite how many events I went to, I wished I could eat just one more lunchroom cookie, attend just one more Shenanigans show,  or basketball game.

Personally, I think I did high school pretty well. I played 4 different sports and participated in at least one of those every year. I was on yearbook: editor in chief, business editor, and design editor. I was part of my student government. Junior class president for a year, and executive board treasurer the next. I took AP classes and studied hard, trying to make good grades, and I had a pretty great group of friends.

Some days I wish  I could do high school all over again. Be more outgoing, join different and more clubs, try out for a sport I never played my freshman year, and just redo high school knowing everything I know now.

But that’s not what high school is. High school is supposed to be big and scary. Walking into the new and inviting school painted blue and white with faces cheering and clapping for you is what it’s all about. Walking in with your best friends and out with your best friends is what high school is. Making mistakes, growing up, learning, crying, enjoying the new and foreign experiences. That’s what I did in high school.

Yes, I’ll never have the chance to go to my senior year homecoming that I missed, and I’ll never be able to go to another prom, but I did high school how you’re supposed to. I lived, I learned, and most importantly I grew into the woman I am today. I’ll never step foot into that school again as a student, but because of that school, I have blossomed into the brilliant woman that I am today.
Until next time.

Alicia

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