June 12th, 1997 7:21am

At that minute on this day I was born. Crazy isn’t it. How 19 years ago I was merely a crying, pooping, and eating small ball of human and now, 19 years later, I am a crying, pooping, and eating large human.

Birthdays to me are the weirdest thing. Why do we celebrate them? For so many people, June 12th is only National Peanut Butter Cookie Day, but for those I know, and others with this birthday it is a day to celebrate our birth.

Why do we celebrate birthdays? Like it’s just one more orbit around the sun I’ve had. One more school year, one year closer to becoming an adult, one year closer to death. For the longest time I haven’t really found the need for birthdays. And celebrating them. I mean, yeah it’s nice when friends from high school send you a quick text or something to show they were thinking of you, but does it really matter? What about the 100 people that post on your facebook wall? Do some of them care about you? Yeah of course all of my aunts and uncles who can’t work phones but can navigate facebook do. But does that girl who sat across from me in Spanish freshman year?

Is your worth and how many people care about you determined by how many people wish you a happy birthday?

Sometimes people forget. Like I forgot to text one of my best friends on his birthday this year. I haven’t been using my phone that much this summer and work has been absolutely killing me so I forgot. But at the end of the day, I still care about him 365 days of the year and one measly birthday text I didn’t send won’t change that. There are some people I’m close with who didn’t text me happy birthday. Could be for a number of reasons. They forgot, they don’t know my birthday, or whatever it may be.

Do we celebrate them for the gifts? When I was younger we had birthday parties and got tons of gifts. Now, that I’m 19 I really just want some sleep, an edible arrangement, and some new leggings. I’m not that hard to please.

Why do people have to have one special day? Why can’t we cherish and praise everyone year round. We should always let people know they are special and loved and needed, and not just shoot them a text on their birthday reminding them of this.I think everyday should be a celebration of everyone. You’re alive? Great. You’re breathing? Amazing. When we give people special days all to themselves either they shoot up their expectations too high and don’t get what they wanted or we get the show My ultimate Sweet 16 party or whatever it’s called.

Sorry, rant over. Also, I’m 19 how weird is that. Last year of being a teen and one year until I beat the teen pregnancy stereotype. Holla.

Alicia

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Leaving my phone at home: The chronicle

5:10am the sound of the radar ringtone courses through my room as my head leaves my pillow searching for my phone to end that obnoxious sound.

5:15am After checking my phone for any texts and Kim Kardashian game notifications, I emerge from my room, shielding my eyes from the light glowing from downsairs. I make my way to my kitchen to have a quick bowl of cereal.

5:45am after exiting the shower, I move to my bed to check my phone, still on the charger.

5:57am By the time I check the time it is 5:57. My bed is drenched, I am not dressed, and I have less than 15 minutes to do everything I have to do.

6:12am I am in the car on the way to work. I start to doze off and hope I had remembered to do everything I needed.

6:37am As we make our first stop of the day, I rummage through my purse looking for my brush, eyebrow pencil, chapstick, and phone. I can only find the first 3. As panick courses through my veins as I open every pocket in purse, check the pocket on the side of the door, under my seat. Nothing. What ever will I do with no phone??

8:30am My first break of the day and the opportunity to use my phone. Oh wait. Instead of being on my phone for the short 10 minutes, I talk to people. Such a concept. I learn about Maria’s chile she is having for lunch, Blanca’s tattoos, and so much more.

11:30am Lunch time. Another 20 minute opportunity for phone usage. I grab my lunch and head into my dad’s office. I sit with him and talk to him, about his day, about everything that’s beem annoying him, and to everyone who walks into his office during those 20 minutes.

2:00pm Last break before I am done for the day. I sit with my dad again and the break goes by all too quickly. Learning about how a truck had to be sent back for the second time, and how everyone is annoying him

3:00pm I am done for the day but I still about 45 minutes until my father is done. I sit in his office talking to everyone who comes in, and him as well.

5:00pm We just arrived home and I throw my stuff in my room and don’t even grab my phone. Turns out a day with no phone wouldn’t be as bad I thought.
Alicia

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Summer Bucket List 2016

Hey all, so as some of you may know for two years in a row a friend and I made a summer bucket list and blogged about it, one of the first times I ever put myself out there by blogging. I followed a blog the other day and her most recent post was about making a summer bucket list. It has been about 3 summers since I made a summer to-do list and I have decided that I want to make one this year. So, let’s get to it

  1. No Social Media. I mentioned it in my last post, I am giving up social media for the summer. I’ve been good so far, so let’s hope I can keep it up
  2. Meet my Fitbit step goal 6 days per week. I have been an avid Fitbit user for almost a year now, however in the past 3 months I have been really slacking. My goal is 12000 steps per day and I hit it yesterday and that’s a good place to start
  3. Take a photo a day. I have always loved photography and I need to keep up with that. It will be hard since I work about 40 hours a week and have no time to do anything else except work, eat, and sleep, but we’ll try
  4. Make a vegan cake. My birthday is this Sunday and I keep talking about how I want to make my own cake, but I’m lazy. However, if I put it on my to-do list, I hope I will actually get it done. 🙂
  5. Explore Chicago. This summer, Chicago has released a ton of new street art, and there are a ton of places I want to go to. I want to spend a weekend downtown and just see what my city has to offer.
    1. Sub to this one. I want to go to the Sky  Deck of the Sear’s Tower. I’ve never been and have wanted to for years!
  6. Spend a weekend in Wisconsin by myself- My mom’s friend’s family owns a house about 2 hours away from me in Wisconsin. Whenever I go up there with family I’m always forced to do things I don’t want to do, so if I spend a weekend up there by myself I will have a chance to relax, write, and just have some much needed time to myself.
  7. Go to my local farmer’s market. Every Saturday, I think, there is a farmers market about a mile away frim my house. Being vegan, finding yummy and fresh foods can be a challenge but where is a better place to look other than locally grown and picked fresh the day before.
  8. Start doing yoga- My roommate last year did yoga every day and I think I want to start. I wake up at 515 every morning to get to work so I’ll have to do a type of calming yoga before bed, but I am excited to try
  9. Complete the one-month makeover- My friend on Tumblr, Charlotte, has made this workout/eating plan  that people really seem to love. I want to complete it to see what all this fuss is about.
  10. Get my passport. Just something I’ve been putting off and need to seriously do.

 

That’s all I can think of right now, but I may add some stuff to it. I’ll be making  a page specifically for the summer to do list and tagging my posts as I complete things.

That’s all for now,

Alicia

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What do you want to be when you grow up?

I was babysitting for my neighbor’s kids the other day and as she got home, she asked me if I had picked my major for school. When I told her chemical engineering, her jaw almost dropped. When she finally spoke and asked why, I told her it’s because I’ve always been good with math and science and I’ll get a job easily. She then asked me if I enjoyed it. All of my extracurriculars had involved the things I liked doing (photography, writing, design, leadership) , not what I was known to be best at (math and science). So, what do I really want to be when I grow up?

We all can recall the first time we heard this question. When our teachers asked us this question, our eager 5 and 6-year-old faces lit up as boys shouted president and firefighter and girls exclaimed princess and nurse.

Sadly, I haven’t been asked what I want to do with my life recently. People just assume I will do something in the math and science field or something international (I’ve taken spanish since I was in 5th grade) because these are things I have always been known for excelling at.

In the past 3 years, no one has asked me what I want to do with my life. My aunt and uncle are both engineers, and have instilled the notion that being an engineer is the best thing for me to do because I’m good at math and science and can make a ton of money. One of their friends told their children that they can study whatever they want, after they get an engineering degree. Why? Because engineering makes you the most money.

Why don’t they ask us that when we grow up? Why don’t they ask us what we want to do when we’re choosing our college or university? Why is it, that we’re so obsessed with money and how much we will make? When did making money earn a spot above being happy and enjoying our job?

People tell me what I need to do. I couldn’t decide on a major, so I just said international business so I could put something down on my applications. I never wanted to do business, everyone around me wanted me to. Because I would make money.

Now that I have changed universities, and majors, everyone around me wants me to major in chemical engineering. Why? Because I will be a woman engineer, will get first priority on jobs, and will make money.

Since when did society decide that how much money we make in our lives is more important than how we live our lives? I never wanted to major in business. And I don’t want to major in engineering now. So, what do I do? Do I major in something that makes me happy, maybe never get a job in that field? Or do I live a miserable life of an engineer and have all the money I could ever need?

I’m not too much of a sap but I do believe that we’re here for a reason. We were not born to work 40 hours a week just to be miserable and then go home and be too tired and aggravated with our lives to be happy around our loved ones. Not saying my aunt and uncle aren’t happy. They get ample time off, sabbaticals, and have so much money that they go on multiple cruises every year.

But, why can’t I do that while doing something I love? I don’t want to have kids, hell I might not even get married. I just want it to be my dogs, maybe a goat, and myself. I want a nice house of course, and a nice car, but at the end of the day, when I’m on my deathbed, looking back on my life, am I going to remember the audi and the million dollar house that I had, or am I going to remember my job, where I spent most of my waking hours, my friends and colleagues that I met at that job, and all of the experiences outside of my house?

Shit, I want to do something I love, but the second I said I even considered switching my major to biology and them getting my masters in marine biology, my parents couldn’t have said the words “what about chemical engineering” faster. Why? They just want me to make money and be successful.

When did we define success as how much money you make at the end of the day? Why can’t success be something less materialistic? Why can’t we define success as something worth living for, something great? Something like how many friends I had, how many new places I visited, how much I enjoy my job? Why is success just money and power? When did we all agree that this is what society is going to be, and, why wasn’t I a part of this conversation?

So, what do I want to be when I grow up? Since I’ve started blogging, I have rekindled my love for writing. I love writing, being able to put all of my feelings down on paper, or on the blogosphere. It’s calming and I love seeing how my writing has progressed through time. I love animals. I would love to live on a farm with rehab animals and just help them escape lives of abuse, violence, etc. I would have farm animals, house animals, exotic animals, anything really. I would love, cherish, and care for each and every one of them. I love design. Over the summer. My life is a nonstop HGTV marathon. I love critiquing, agreeing and adding my own opinions on what I would do with each house, room, etc. I love yearbook. My entire highschool career was centered around my school’s yearbook, and although it may have caused me to turn gray early, I loved that class and I can’t imagine my life without it. And, now that I am not active in my school’s yearbook, I miss it. I love the mind. My entire life has been filled with mental illnesses and trying to understand the mind, why can’t I try to help others understand their minds as I have been trying to understand my own?If I could do any one of these things with my life, it would be grand. But, STEM is the way of the future and despite what you want/ like to do with your life, none of it matters if you can’t make money.

Everyone always tells you to never major in journalism, communications, psychology, philosophy. Basically nothing in the school of arts and letters. Major in business, major in STEM. Why? We need people in those fields, or else that major wouldn’t exist. We need biologists, we need therapists, we need writers, we need designers. Why can it be the other person. Why can’t it be me?

So, here we are. I spent countless nights crying myself to sleep because of how stressed I was, how stressed I was because I couldn’t find a major that suited me. And now, here we are, staring blankly at my ceiling wondering why I couldn’t have just picked something I enjoyed all along.

Talk to you all soon,

Alicia

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The Top 100 Inspirational Weight Loss Bloggers

Hi, everyone. Look at me double posting. My life update post will be up in the next few days, however, I was checking my stats page this morning and saw that I had a lot of viewers that were referred to my blog by DietToGo.

Curious as to how that was, I clicked the link in my stats and was brought here

I immediately noticed that the post was entitled “The Top 100 Inspirational Weight Loss Bloggers You’ve Probably Never Heard Of (Until Now)” and got super stoked because people have noticed I exist and they think I’m decently cool.

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Your girl (me) was lucky enough to score spot #13 on that list (happens to be my favorite number too) and I’m just so happy/stoked/honored to be put on this list with so many other amazing bloggers.

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So, I recommend everyone check out DietToGo’s post and check out all of the other amazing bloggers who are also featured on the list. I know I did!

Anyway, I want to say again how excited I am that I was featured and want to thank Caitlin (author of the post) for taking the time to hand select my blog and to read some of my posts. It means so much

Talk to you all soon,

Alicia

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To my brother…

It’s 12:04 am. I retreated to my bed over an hour ago, after receiving this news. I’m laying in bed, thinking of you. I won’t be getting to sleep anytime soon, no matter how long I count sheep or how long I paint pictures of us on my ceiling. I just stare at the ceiling, thinking of you.

It’s funny, isn’t it? How we think we know so much, but in reality we know so little? For my entire 19 years in this planet, It’s been my sister and I, well at least since she was born. I never knew you existed until today. Intriguing, right? I always thought the whole long lost sibling concept kept its place in the box of the television, but here I am, finding out after 19 years of life, I’ve had this older brother all along, and had no idea.

Everyone else knew. Well, not everyone. However, almost all of the adults I spend ample time with knew, yet somehow my sister and I were kept in this bubble of unknowingness for so long.

We sat there, my sister and I, mouths agape, as my our mom told us about you. Our half-brother, who grew up less than 45 minutes from where we live, and somehow we had no idea you existed.

12:09 now. I’m numb, still cozy in bed, still thinking about you. You know I exist, you’ve seen pictures of me. What do you think of me? Did you want two sisters? I always wanted an older brother. I nagged constantly to my mom that I wished I had been born second and that I had an older brother. And I do.

My Our mom showed me your instagram today. You look almost identical to my uncle, Jim, so I know we’re related. You’re my brother. I have a brother. Sorry if I keep saying that. Truth is, the facts haven’t sunk in yet.

As many times as scroll through your pictures, trying to absorb as much as I can through those square photos of your friends, family and 2 cats, I can’t wrap my head around it. How did I not know? How did I not know I had a brother? I have a brother.

12:12 and I’m upright, still trying to process how this happened. How you exist. How I never knew. How everyone kept this a secret from my sister and I for so long. Neither of us can. How did you never come up in conversation? How did your name never slip out?

I want to cry, buy why? What’s the point? I have a brother, and I didn’t know. I think it’s because I always wanted one. I always wanted a brother to look up to, to show me the ropes, to make sure no one picked on me, make sure mom and dad never gave me too hard of a time.

You were 11 when I was born. You had no idea I existed then. That my mom existed. You lived less than 40 minutes away from me but we had no idea. Crazy.

My mom told my sister and I about 6 hours ago now. We were in the living room, I was checking twitter and my sister was eating. She said she had something to tell us that she didn’t know how to say.

Immediately thinking the worst, I assumed someone had died. But really, someone was born, not really but born into my world, anyway.

There isn’t much to say about you. I don’t know you… I may never. I know nothing about you, but you’re my brother.

You were born on June 22nd, 1986 at 2:13 am. Your name is Evan. You have 2 cats. You live in Los Angeles. And I hope you want to meet me. I really do. Because you have two younger sisters that want to meet their big brother.

I love you already, even if you don’t know it yet.
Alicia

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P.S. Sorry I haven’t posted in a while, with finals and getting home a few days ago and then this news I haven’t had much time to do anything.

It hit me today

My high school’s prom was Friday night. As I scroll through instagram post after instagram post, admiring all of my friends’ magnificent flowing gowns and pinned back hair, I came to the realization that that will never be me again. My days of prom, homecoming, and turnabout dress shopping are long over. Now, I shop for dresses for weddings, formals, etc. I realized today that I am no longer a student of my high school, I am in college and my high school days are long gone.

People say you never know when it will hit you. The fact that you’ll probably never see these people again. That graduation night is the last night you will all be together. People say it doesn’t hit you on graduation night. You may cry, but you’re only crying because your mom and grandma are crying. It might hit you when you say goodbye to your best friends. After spending countless hours with them over summer, trying to squeeze every last memory you possibly can in with them until you part ways for 4 months. It might hit you when you pack up your entire life into suitcases, boxes, backpacks. When your room looks foreign to you because of how barren it is. It might even hit you when your parents leave you, alone, in your dorm. When you’re left alone with a roommate that you’ve only spoken to via Facebook chat exchanging social medias and what each of you will bring.

For me, it happened in bursts. Saying goodbye to my friends, I cried. I knew we would be different people when I saw them next. I wasn’t sure I was ready for that. It hit me when my sister had her first day of school and I was still in bed, because I didn’t leave for another week. It hit me, the night before I left. After leaving a friend’s house I drove around my town, driving up and down every street, passing my high school countless times, absorbing every last image of that town I had come to love. I cried. I drove around, listened to old songs and cried. I wasn’t ready and at the same time I was. I wasn’t ready to move on, but I knew that I had to. Saying goodbye to my family, I cried. I wouldn’t see them until family weekend, and I knew I would be different by that time. They weren’t ready for that. It hit me when I came home for winter break, and my room wasn’t my room. It was a bed and a desk where I would spend weeks at a time. But it wasn’t mine anymore. It was mine for so long, but not anymore. I cried my first night home. How no matter how long I lived in that house, how I knew every nook and cranny of that 3 story building, it wasn’t my house anymore. It was a place to vacation, before heading back to my new home- San Diego. My family wasn’t ready for the day that I called San Diego home. I see the hurt expression on my mom’s face every time I say, “I can’t believe I go home in ____ days.” I don’t mean to offend anyone, but it has become my home.

What no one told me is that it would hit me, a year later, scrolling through instagram and checking snapchat stories. No one told me I would miss that school. That school I dreaded going to every morning, would be a place I longed to visit one last time. I could tell you every hallway, every room number, every teacher, all of my friend’s locker numbers, the bell schedule every day of the week. No one told me I would miss it. No one told me that passing by it every break, I would lose a little piece of my high school self.

I hated high school but I loved it all the same. I hated 8am calculus but I loved the teachers and all the students. I hated the smell of the lunchroom but I loved that everyone gathered together for a time of relaxation. What no one told me is that despite how many events I went to, I wished I could eat just one more lunchroom cookie, attend just one more Shenanigans show,  or basketball game.

Personally, I think I did high school pretty well. I played 4 different sports and participated in at least one of those every year. I was on yearbook: editor in chief, business editor, and design editor. I was part of my student government. Junior class president for a year, and executive board treasurer the next. I took AP classes and studied hard, trying to make good grades, and I had a pretty great group of friends.

Some days I wish  I could do high school all over again. Be more outgoing, join different and more clubs, try out for a sport I never played my freshman year, and just redo high school knowing everything I know now.

But that’s not what high school is. High school is supposed to be big and scary. Walking into the new and inviting school painted blue and white with faces cheering and clapping for you is what it’s all about. Walking in with your best friends and out with your best friends is what high school is. Making mistakes, growing up, learning, crying, enjoying the new and foreign experiences. That’s what I did in high school.

Yes, I’ll never have the chance to go to my senior year homecoming that I missed, and I’ll never be able to go to another prom, but I did high school how you’re supposed to. I lived, I learned, and most importantly I grew into the woman I am today. I’ll never step foot into that school again as a student, but because of that school, I have blossomed into the brilliant woman that I am today.
Until next time.

Alicia

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If my House could talk

Recently, I’ve been thinking what my dog would say if she could talk.What she would say to me, my mom, my bird, etc. Mainly because I miss her and was wondering if she misses me too. Yet, I came to realize my dog, while extremely cute, is an idiot and would probably just ask for more food. My house, however, I feel like its story would be one worth listening.

If my house could talk, it would tell me the story of my mom and I visiting it in 2004, and how much I hated it. It didn’t have the purple tree that I wanted so dearly. It would tell you that although it wasn’t our first choice because of the butterfly wallpaper in the bathroom, flower wallpaper in the kitchen, and blue carpet, it had everything we needed so we bought it.

It would tell you of the days we spent painting. My aunt, mom, sister and I took on multiple rooms of that house. Painting bedroom walls purple and yellow, and my mom tidying up the house before move in. It would tell you of my neighbors coming to the door to greet us and the song they sang to us. While neither of us can remember the words to the song, the gesture will be long remembered.

It would tell you of the day we moved in. Its walls hadn’t heard a child laugh in ages and the soft laughter of my two-year-old sister as she navigated the house made it feel young again. As I marched through the house with a sense of urgency, guiding everyone carrying boxes of toys, clothes, and furniture to where they need to go. They adorn sloppily scribbled phrases of “kitchen items” and “Alicia’s toys” written by me in sharpie. After we had put boxes in their places, made beds, and put pillows on couches, we made our way outside, used our fridge and stove for the first time and the house was finally becoming ours.

It would tell you of how I tore off that ugly butterfly wallpaper and blamed it all on my sister. It would be our little secret. It would tell you how black paint ended up all over my sister’s carpet and I actually took the blame for that one.

It would tell you the story of the day we got my dog. As my sister had gotten a bit older she had stopped screaming and crying over everything. Now we had a puppy. A crazy dog who would instead of scream, would bark at every fallen leaf and squirrel she saw. How she was afraid of ceiling fans and would chew on the door stops that we didn’t notice until there was a hole in the wall.

It would tell you of all of the friends I gained and lost in that house. Some friends would come and go but others were over every day for years and then they would be gone. It would be able to tell you of every Hannah Montana or Say Yes to the Dress marathon, to sleepovers and late night walks to the kitchen for chocolate covered pretzels.

It would tell you all of the bad things. From the hour-long fights and screaming matches that happened far too often. It would tell you of the times I snuck out of my house or got back past curfew. It would tell you of the night my mom walked out and was gone for the week. It would tell you about every tear my pillow came to know.

But most importantly it would tell you that within those 4 brick walls, a family was built, tested, and made it out alive. And if that’s not something to be proud of, I don’t know what is.

Until Thursday

Alicia

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Who Made the Cut?

Time magazine has a massive following, most well known for their goose-bump inducing cover photos and their annual list of influential people. Year after year, a handful of controversial men and women make this list, 2016 not being an exception, especially with the election a few short months away. Yet, on the other hand, some are on this list for clear-cut reasons. Here is why I believe that these select men and women deserve to be on this list for 2016, despite how much controversy they do (or don’t) bring along with them. The full list can be found here

Caitlyn Jenner. A household name in most cases and has been in the spotlight since she came out as transgender in March of 2015. When she created her twitter and sent the world spiraling with a groundbreaking tweet, “I’m so happy that after such a long struggle to be living my true self. Welcome to the world of Caitlyn. Can’t wait for you to get to know her/me.” This tweet was retweeted over 250,000 times and has around 400,000 favorites, one of those from my own twitter. As far as Pioneers go, Caitlyn Jenner is far up there. In June of 2014, when Laverne Cox was the first transgender person to be features of the Cover of time Magazine, this event stirred controversy and all of Time’s reader, and it’s no wonder why Caitlyn being on this list has done the same. Caitlyn’s controversy sparked due to the fact that despite being a part of the LGBTQ+ community, she does not support gay marriage. Caitlyn also has not had to go through the oppression and fear so many women go through and had the audacity to tell millions of people that the hardest part about being a woman is “figuring out what to wear.” Caitlyn has bashed both of her biggest supporters communities. The LGBTQ+ community and the entire women population. Despite these things, there is no doubting that everything Caitlyn Jenner has been through in the past year definitely earns her a spot on this list. She has overcome so much, she really needs to work on learning what to say about the people that had supported her from the start of her transition.

The “leader” category of the list this year, contained many presidential candidates, Ted Cruz, Donald Trump, Bernie Sanders, and Hillary Clinton. It’s sort of a given that these four made it on the list and for all good reasons too. However, I believe that Bernie Sanders deserved this the most(had Time only picked one candidate). Being a Bernie Supporter myself, I have seen countless images of Bernie rallies from last summer to this Spring. What changed? His amount of support. Look at him even as the primary has just begun. Hillary had dominated leaving Bernie supporters in shock and terrified he wouldn’t come close to winning. Look at him now, down by less than 800 delegates. Bernie has shown people across the country that Socialism is possible and that it’s something we need to strive for. Yes, change is scary, but so is the wealth distribution in our country. Change can be a good thing and we need a Future to Believe In. Do I believe that Bernie deserved this solely because I support him? No. Bernie Sanders has created a revolution across this country. He has inspired people everywhere to change how they think and to believe in Socialism and equal rights. He has raised millions of dollars from his supporters alone and does not rely on big banks and businesses like his opponents to support him.Whether you are a conservative or you’re as liberal as they come, you can see that Sanders has changed this country and the sheer amount of people that support him, support this notion. Bernie is a revolution all in himself. That is why Bernie Sanders triumphs on this list.

On February 28th, 2016, the life of a man was changed forever. This man being Leonardo DiCaprio. There are not many people who doubt that Leo should be on this list. After waiting long and hard for 20 years to receive his Oscar, and coming close to death while trying to do it, The Academy finally listened to America and Leonardo DiCaprio won his Oscar for best Actor in the movie The Revenant. DiCaprio has been in countless phenomenal movies and has given it his all since his first movie in 1991. Leo defeated all odds, never gave up on his dreams of winning an Oscar, and 25 years after he started his career in the movie industry, his dreams came true. DiCaprio has inspired people across the entire United States and the world to never give up on their dreams, which is exactly why he landed a spot on the 2016 list of Time Magazine’s List of Most Influential People.

Each and every one of the 100 people on Time’s List are extraordinary people who have done extraordinary things not only this year but throughout their entire lives and deserve spots on this list. Despite what anyone says about them as a person, and the controversy they carry with them, there is no doubting they have influenced the entire world with their presence.

 

Until Sunday

Alicia

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To my ex-best friend (The Queen),

Each time I see people sharing links with this title on facebook, I immediately think of you. I click on the link quickly, trying to see if their relationship was anything like ours. If their ending was anything like ours. It never is. Upon reading at least ten of them not one of them is relatable to how we stopped being friends. I like to think it’s because our friendship was unlike any other, so if it had to end, it would unlike any other as well.

Where does one even begin? At one point in my life, you were there for everything. From my bad days, my good days, and everything in between. You stuck by me through my awkward days and how you did that I have no idea and truly can’t thank you enough.

I had never had a friend like you until I met you and I don’t think I’ll ever have someone to compare to you after the years of friendship that we had. For years, I told you everything. I told you every minuscule detail about my life. From each boy I was in love with  that week, to what so-and-so said about me. Everything. That’s what best friends do; they tell each other everything, the good and the bad. From how I aced my test or that it didn’t look like you had brushed your hair this month. And that’s just what we did.

We had our weddings planned out. We’d be each other’s maid of honors. Not telling our sister yet of course 😉 We spent almost every waking second together. You’d picked bridesmaids dresses to ensure that they were a color I would look good in. We had our lives planned out together. After graduating from college we were moving to Hoboken in a small apartment waiting to find true love and high paying jobs.

I will never forget the day I met you in 6th grade in Science class.  You know I’m not much for believing in fate, but we were both in the process of losing best friends. I’d like to think we entered each other’s lives to lessen this burden and to take on the best friend title. I will never forget how you came to my house in 7th grade, and we took photo booth pictures together with my sister. Or in eighth grade when you came over on the snow day and we built such a pathetic snowman, but it was great because I made it with my best friend. I will never forget our summer bucket list blog and how we tried cramming the last 30 items on the list into 3 days. I will cherish those memories forever.

I want to thank you. I want to thank you for being my rock and my best friend. I want to thank you for always believing in me and helping me achieve my goals, one baseball pun at a time. I want to thank you for being the best friend I have ever had, and probably ever will. You have given all of my friends, present and future, such high expectations to meet, even if they don’t know it yet.

I want to thank you for opening up your home and for letting me befriend your entire family, even if I was always afraid of your dad. When I saw your dog died on facebook, I cried. Calby was such a sweetie, and while he was no Gracie, he was still a cute pup. When I saw your mom got diagnosed with cancer, I cried and I called my mom. I knew I had to text you. I knew it wouldn’t matter to you that I did, but she was my second mom for so many years, and I wanted to make sure you were both okay. I just want to thank you for impacting such a stressful and amazing time of my life, for the good and for the bad.

I also want to say that I’m sorry. I know we’ll never be friends again and I’m not saying that’s what I want. We’re different people than we were junior year.

I’m sorry we ended the way we did. Everyone says that friendships end because they drifted apart or they were too different. We weren’t different or drifting apart. We were basically the same person (other than the fact that I wore sweatpants every day and you wore dresses) and we were spending even more time together than usual.  We starting hating each other, slowly and then all at once, the tension in every room we were in could be cut with a knife. We had more bad days than good days and I couldn’t take it. But I couldn’t tell you that. I hate discussing feelings (something I’ve improved upon since we stopped talking). We were both too afraid of feelings and confrontation that we avoided each other until our only way of communication was through letters and our friends acting as carrier pigeons.

Now remember, I have nothing against you, and I want to say that the time being your best friend were some of the best years of my life. I wish you nothing but the best in life, whether I’m in it to some extent or not is fine by me. I just wanted to for once in my life being open with my feelings (like you always told me to be) even if it is 2 years late.

Much love and summer fun
(Princess) Alicia (Jane Catherine) Heninger
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P.S. the turtle I named after you died. Thought you should know

20 tips for freshmen attending San Diego State University next year

Hi everyone, my best friend from home came to San Diego this weekend to visit a few colleges before the deadline to decide on a college for the next 4 years, May 1st. She still hasn’t decided and is between Pepperdine University in Malibu and the University of Indianapolis. Obviously I hope she picks Pepperdine so she’ll be closer to me but obviously I hope she chooses the place that is best for her. So, for those of you people who know that you’ll be attending SDSU in the fall, here are some tips for all of you to survive, Hope they help. 🙂

  1. Even though San Diego is the stereotypical Sunny and 75 all the time, pack sweaters and bring an umbrella. YOU WILL NEED THEM BOTH.
  2.  While some people think that Greek Life is a huge deal at State, don’t feel pressured into rushing. There are so many great people who don’t rush and are just fine. Greek life isn’t for everyone.
  3. Just because Greek life isn’t for everyone, it doesn’t make it ok to put it down. They did nothing to you and making people feel bad about something they enjoy is rude.
  4. Be social and put yourself out there, I didn’t my first semester and I missed out on so many friendship opportunities
  5. That being said, don’t worry if you haven’t found ‘your group’ after the first month… or even the first semester.
  6. This is going to sound super cliche, but get involved. That’s the only way you will meet people with your interests. I’m good friends with people on my floor but my closest friends came from getting involved.
  7. Don’t forget about your friends back home. They know you better than anyone you meet at school. And they’ll be there when you have to rant about your new friends.
  8. While going home is great every once in a while, don’t go home every weekend. You miss a lot.
  9. Don’t be afraid to go to professor’s office hours. You will need letters of recommendation at some point, and professors are more likely to write better letters (instead of a cookie cutter version) on students they know.
  10. GO TO CLASS. It doesn’t matter if professors say class isn’t mandatory/don’t take attendance, or whether they post all of their lecture slides on Blackboard. If you want an A in the class, you have to go. Missing one or two classes a semester won’t kill you but don’t turn into the kid who just shows up for exams.
  11. The Turtle pond is one of the best places on campus. You can look at all of the turtles and fish or you can just sit on the grass to relax or study Bonus! If you get sunburnt easily like me, there is all kinds of shade for you
  12. Don’t feel restricted to campus. Go out and explore. Whether you go to Sunset Cliffs or just to Normal Heights, take in all San Diego has to offer.
  13. Go to Sporting events. Whether it’s a basketball or swim meet. Every Aztec has so much spirit and we support all of our sports teams.
  14. Do not bring a coffee maker to the dorms. They are not allowed and you will get in trouble if you are caught with one. Also, Starbucks (3 campus locations) and BCB (5 campus locations) are on the meal plan.
  15. Utilize the Storm Hall terrace. It’s my favorite spot on campus to get homework done and the view of the sunset there is always impeccable.
  16. Go to the Farmer’s Market on Thursdays. It’s a nice change from dorm food, and even though it’s not on the meal plan, it’s completely worth it. There is food that ranges from Western Africa to gluten free desserts… Something to satisfy everyone’s taste buds.
  17. Don’t wait until 9:30 to go to the market to spend your meal plan money. You will wait for a really long time (I waited once for half an hour) and if the line is long you won’t be let inside. So, here is when your umbrellas and sweaters come in handy.
  18. Cuic isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It’s good the first few weeks, but you will get sick of it
  19. Speaking of Cuic, when it comes to meal plans, Flex 7 is the way to go. On Meals Plus you will have so many Cuic swipes at the end of the semester you will end up wasting your parents money and bringing your entire floor to dinner there.
  20. Remember, when Hepner hall looks really good because of the angle of the Sun, snap that picture. No one will judge you. We all do it. Who doesn’t want to brag to all of their Instagram followers that they go to the prettiest school in the country?
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Hope these tips helped you, and for those of you still deciding on a college, good luck and stay true to your hearts (and wallets)

Talk to you Thursday

Alicia

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Rainy Days

Rainy days in California are rare, and almost nonexistent.However, upon checking the forecast for the upcoming week and seeing the raindrops dance across my screen, I can’t help but smile as my roommate grimaces at the thought.

The days leading up to the what Californians may call ‘gloomy’ day, are days of anticipation for me. It’s like the week before going home before a break or before a holiday.

Coming from  a place where rain was not necessarily an everyday occurrence, but sure occurred more than most would like, to a place where rain has fallen from the sky about fie times in the past eight months, you cannot help but miss rain: the scent, the air before and after it rains, the calming noise it makes as it hits windows, trees, the glow it gives everything it graces.

Rain reminds me of home. At least once a week, winter spring summer or fall, rain washes over our city. With rain brings a new beginning. It washes away the snow of winter, brings flowers to life in spring, washes away chalk drawings of summer, and pushes the crunchy fall leaves down the road.

My midwest self had become so accustomed to the rain that the absence of it saddens me. Never did I think a day would come that I missed rain. But waking up to the pitter patter of raindrops on my ajar window and the cool breeze entering through my window,gives me a sensation that I can’t quite describe.

As the rain hits my mesh covered window, and the occasional drop pecking my face, I hum in admiration. Rain is different here. As sunny and 75 days are rare in Chicago, rainy days in California are just as rare. I admire the both of them equally. While Californians proclaim their hatred of rain, with the knowledge of drought in the back of their minds, they can;t help but smile at the necessity of rain and the thirst of the earth being quenched. Even if this just happens once a month.

Everyone says that rain makes them sad. How can you be sad when the earth is being given the beautiful gift of water to make the plants grow bigger, the snails emerge from they long hibernation, and the hope that a rainbow could peak out behind the clouds after it has rained all day?

I’m not sure how rain saddens people, but I am sure of one thing. Rain doesn’t sadden me. Thunder on the other hand…

Until Thursday
Alicia

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Appreciating Home

Many apologies for the lack of posts the last week. I had planned on blogging at home, but I was too busy seeing my friends, family, trying not to die ( curse my sister for infecting me with sickness). I was thinking that yeah, i did have free time to blog, times when I was watching Fixer Upper or Finding Carter on TV and not doing anything necessarily productive. However, due to the fact that I attend college 2064 miles from home, I need to appreciate the time I have at home and not waste it away on things I can be doing anywhere.

I didn’t notice this so much over winter break, since I was home for a little over a month. But Spring break flew by. I had so little time to see everyone, do everything, and still manage to catch up on all of the sleep I had been lacking.

10 days. 10 days to do so many things. From celebrating Easter, to dog-sitting, to seeing all of my high school friends, community college friends, and friends with coinciding spring breaks, to a wedding, and seeing my city and all of the new tourist garbage I could take in n such a short time. Not to mention, catch up on all of my recorded TV shows, inhale as many fruits as I could, and try to beat the playstation Spyro game. Do all of that in 10 days? And still blog? No.

Coming home for Spring break has made me cherish all that is home. It makes me cherish every moment I spend with my sister, dog, friend, family member. I think that’s what  love most about going to school so far from home. Before going off to school, I never had a good relationship with my family. My dog was my favorite family member. She still is, but I get along so much better with my family now. It’s a nice feeling, being at peace with my family. We don’t fight as much anymore. We both know that I’m only home for 4 months of the year and we don’t want to waste that time arguing.

I cherish my friends. I know that one day we don’t all live in Chicago suburbs or even Illinois for that matter, and that alone has left me thinking. We go to school across the country and don’t get the same weekend sleepovers and pool parties whenever we want. We all work in the summer and if finding time to see each other is hard now, it will only get harder.

I have learned to appreciate time with others. At school there are people around me constantly, and finding a peaceful hour or two alone to really get productive is difficult. However, at home, I will squeeze in time with any friend. You’re free for that hour and a half that I’m free? Ok, let’s get brunch.

Well, 6 weeks until my first year of college. Wish me luck

Talk to you Thursday

Alicia

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She

The feeling is one of an indescribable measure. How can you describe something where you feel so much but so little at the same time?

She washes over me a like a wave, engulfing me like a flame, bringing me down with her into that dark abyss. I can’t go back I tell her, I’ve come so far from where I once was. She doesn’t listen to me, she never does. I can never escape her, no matter how hard I try. She will always continue her chase. I try to run away but she takes my hand and drags me back down, farther back, deeper than I had ever been before.

I’m taking one step forward and five steps back. As I put on my mask of happiness for the day to cover the empty feeling writhing inside my very core, it’s back to my daily ritual. Masking my sorrow with a mask that looks almost as fake as it feels.

We all carry on with our days. People pass me by and I can’t help but wonder if they don masks too. What are they hiding? I can’t tell if I have mastered the art of hiding behind this pasted on mask or if no one cares enough to see that I’m falling apart behind it.

It’s obviously the latter she tells me. As the razor glides across my skin I look at myself and all I see is her. How did I get to this point? How did I let her envelop my very being, my entire self?

It has been years of struggle. Of letting her take me to rock bottom. This is the better life she assured me. I’m the only one who cares about you, she reiterates for the hundredth night in a row. As she caresses me every night in bed as I cry to her and tell her of my struggle, she is the only one who listens to me. She understands me, the only one who understands me. At a certain point, I start to agree with her. Maybe she’s right. Maybe she’s the only one who cares for me, understands me, loves me.

But how could that be? People say they love me. She tells me they are lying. That they feel bad for me. That she is the only one who truly cares. Day after day, I debate with what is right. Do I let her continue to love and cherish me, or do I try to get rid of her? How can I get rid of something that seems so natural, so needed. Maybe she needs me and I need her. That’s what she tells me anyway. That the two of us were went to be. And maybe she’s right.

Years of me trying to take control. Trying to loosen the grip she has on my life. Loosen the grip she has held for years. It works sometimes. Sometimes I can pry her long slender fingers from my arm and get free for a period of time. But, no matter what  I do, she always finds a way. She weasels her way back into my life. She creeps up on me when I least expect it. And she seizes me again. After I writhe in pain at her touch for a while, it becomes the norm again. She has done it again, gotten me under her spell, and despite my protests and cries for help, no one can hear me and she has total and complete control over me and my entire being.

Until next time,
Alicia

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Hectic Day, hectic week

What’s up? Me! Flying home as we speak. About a week ago, I had told myself I would blog on the plane. The ride from San Diego to Chicago is a little under 4 hours. So, why would I nap or play Sudoku on my phone for 4 hours when I could do something productive… other than homework. Wasn’t really sure what to discuss in this post, but as I sat down in my row 13 letter F seat, it hit me.

This past week has been hectic. My oh my has it been hectic. As we ascended, I knew exactly that this week has been so hectic. I mean, college itself, is now big ball of hectic, but this week, with midterms, speeches, essays, etc, especially.

I’m one of those people who packs their suitcases prior to trips about 3 months in advance. I’m not joking. The day I got back to school after winter break I had already started making a mental list and shoving some things into my suitcase for spring break. However, when the clothes you’re wearing a few days prior to departure are to be shoved inside that suitcase too, I start panicking. What if I forget my favorite pair of jeans in the hamper or my birthday gift for my sister on my desk, etc. I hope I didn’t. But, starting Monday, I had created a list on a Google doc of my schedule until I left, my packing list, and other things I had to do this week. Anyhow, I had to pack all of my things, prepare for a speech, in class essay, and do all my homework for my other classes.

So, mother nature decided to pay me a visit Monday. The fourth visit actually… in the past month and a half. Queue Michelle from Full House saying, “How rude.” Hopefully, my doctor’s appointment tomorrow fixes this unfortunate event, but until then you can catch me living in the feminine hygiene products section of Target.

Tuesday, I had my final Chemistry lab until after break, and thankfully my group finished first and got everything right, BONUS: we had no quiz either. Thank you Chemistry Gods.

That entire day, was spent cleaning my room. Being that my only class on Tuesday is Chemistry Lab and I was done for the day at 8:57am I decided to nap and get to some spring cleaning.

I cleaned everything. I mean everything. I keep having OCD tendencies and living with the biggest slob on this planet doesn’t help. I cleaned my entire fridge, freezer, microwave, and surfaces around them. After that, I mopped down my desk. My roommate uses it for a cutting board, kitchen counter, basically anything to get it dirty, so that was washed and dried as well.

Staying on my desk, I switched to organization. I went through all of my drawers and the top of my desk grabbing anything I hadn’t used to eave at home and everything I use consistently: eyebrow pencil, chapstick,etc. to also bring home.

Upon creating an absolutely spotless workspace, which I know will be dirty again by tomorrow since my roommate isn’t leaving until tomorrow, I moved onto my bed. Changing my sheets (did that this morning not Tuesday) and removing everything from underneath my bed was quite the adventure. I hadn’t done this since leaving for winter break so it was a little messy. I probably could have made a bunny with all of the hair and dust and things underneath my bed. My inner stereotypical college student was also shown upon seeing all of the granola bar wrapper piled up under there as well. And let’s not forget the curse of the missing earring back. There were more earring backs under my bed than in the entirety of a Claire’s store. Curse you 10 ear piercings. Despite all of that grossness under my bed, I finally finished.

I then moved on to color coordinating my closet and folding everything in my drawers (not that it wasn’t fine and still color-coordinated before… I just made it better) and finally my half of the room was spotless. This took a solid 2 hours to clean and make everything look presentable for myself to return to in 10 days time.

Fast forward to Wednesday. I woke up Wednesday morning, completely forgetting to have prepared anything for my in class essay. Not that we could bring anything to the essay besides an English-Spanish Dictionary, I still had wanted to have a thought or some idea of what I was writing about. I managed to compile some key points, a thesis, and examples before class. Snaps for me and waking up 4 hours before class starts.

After Spanish, I went back to my dorm only to realize that my fateful period has decided to burst through a tampon, my underwear, and favorite jeans, all within the span of 2 hours. Thank god for tide sticks and dads who know what they’re doing when it comes to laundry.

After that mishap, I had to go to my communications class, where we were giving none other than an impromptu speech. I wasn’t nervous about the speech per se, just didn’t want to walk up in front of 35 students with blood rushing down my leg. Sorry for the details. It ended up being fine, however. My speech topic was to pretend I was a famous athlete and to discuss my favorite moment in a game. I pretended I was on the Chicago Sky, the Chicago women’s professional basketball team, and that I was playing for the national title and that I was up against my top competition and ended up breaking her nose. I got a point… AN ENTIRE POINT, for fidgeting. Oops. Well, no blood on my pants,a decent score, and even went to get smoothies with friends after. Then it was time to relax. I watched 4 hours of Worst Cooks in America and got some shut eye.

Now it gets hectic. So, I woke up this morning and saw that it was only 730. I went back to bed until 9, got ready to shower, packed up my pajamas, and got in the shower. After my shower, I got all of toiletries and other things packed away, and, after laying on both of my suitcases, I was able to zip them shut. My roommate who was driving me to the airport got back from yoga at about 11:15. We had agreed upon leaving for the airport at 12. hmmmmmmm. She showered and then was getting ready as I went to our little convenient store on campus to buy food for the flight. I got back at 12 and she was still in her towel in bed. She finally gets ready and its 12:15. I go to walk my bags to the elevator and the elevator isn’t working. I have to carry my 2 suitcases, backpack, and sweatshirt down 3 flights of stairs while she runs to get her car. By the time we’re off campus it’s already 12:30 and the bumper to bumper traffic isn’t helping. With a little hint of luck and her cutting off people left and right, I was able to make it to the airport at 12:56. I cruised through checking my bags and headed to security. By the time I was done at security it was 1:32 and I had 8 minutes before boarding started. I had made it. A wave of relief washed over my body as I saw that  had time. I safely made it on board, and here I am. Next to a middle eastern man who is taking up both armrests squeezing me into the window of the plane. I guess I can’t complain, though. Despite being a B27 boarder, I still got my window seat, and at the end of the day, that’s all that matters.
I’ll be home in a matter of hours to see my sister, dog, and most importantly real food.
Talk to you soon
Alicia

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