Other – Page 9 – Living off Leesh

Rainy Days

Published on April 7, 2016February 1, 2018 by AliciaLeave a comment

Rainy days in California are rare, and almost nonexistent.However, upon checking the forecast for the upcoming week and seeing the raindrops dance across my screen, I can’t help but smile as my roommate grimaces at the thought.

The days leading up to the what Californians may call ‘gloomy’ day, are days of anticipation for me. It’s like the week before going home before a break or before a holiday.

Coming from a place where rain was not necessarily an everyday occurrence, but sure occurred more than most would like, to a place where rain has fallen from the sky about fie times in the past eight months, you cannot help but miss rain: the scent, the air before and after it rains, the calming noise it makes as it hits windows, trees, the glow it gives everything it graces.

Rain reminds me of home. At least once a week, winter spring summer or fall, rain washes over our city. With rain brings a new beginning. It washes away the snow of winter, brings flowers to life in spring, washes away chalk drawings of summer, and pushes the crunchy fall leaves down the road.

My midwest self had become so accustomed to the rain that the absence of it saddens me. Never did I think a day would come that I missed rain. But waking up to the pitter patter of raindrops on my ajar window and the cool breeze entering through my window,gives me a sensation that I can’t quite describe.

As the rain hits my mesh covered window, and the occasional drop pecking my face, I hum in admiration. Rain is different here. As sunny and 75 days are rare in Chicago, rainy days in California are just as rare. I admire the both of them equally. While Californians proclaim their hatred of rain, with the knowledge of drought in the back of their minds, they can;t help but smile at the necessity of rain and the thirst of the earth being quenched. Even if this just happens once a month.

Everyone says that rain makes them sad. How can you be sad when the earth is being given the beautiful gift of water to make the plants grow bigger, the snails emerge from they long hibernation, and the hope that a rainbow could peak out behind the clouds after it has rained all day?

I’m not sure how rain saddens people, but I am sure of one thing. Rain doesn’t sadden me. Thunder on the other hand…

Until Thursday
Alicia

March 20th 6:25am

Published on March 20, 2016February 1, 2018 by AliciaLeave a comment

6:25am As the birds chirp outside my window, signifying the first day of spring, I rise from my slumber to see the time illuminated on my phone. 6:25am it reads. Why would I be up this early on a Sunday morning. I look to my right to see my roommate’s covers pulled back as she is already getting ready for the gym and yoga to follow.

6:29 my phone now reads. The chirping of birds that I heard is replaced by the running of the faucet of those early Sunday risers. Unlocking my phone and peeking at all of my messages, I begin to realize that I may never get back to bed.

6:31 I hear a skateboard cruise along the sidewalk, only creating noise as it crosses the cracks on the sidewalk.

6:37, my door swings open, my room illuminated as my roommate steps back into the room. She grabs something unknown to me and leaves the room again, the room returning back to its dark state, the only light peaking in from under the door.

6:49 the room begins to get lighter as the sun makes its way over the parking structure adjacent to my window. The sky dances with new colors signifying the new day. The pinks, oranges, and reds of the sky casting their colors across every inch of land I can see from my small window.

7:30 The sun is up completely. The brightness causing me to close my blinds slightly as my sleep filled eyes aren’t yet used to all of this light. From across the room I can hear my roommate shuffle across the floor to put her shoes on. She thinks I’m still asleep so she tip-toes across the room collecting her belongings before silently embarking on her walk to the gym.

7:32 As the door closes softly, I am left with myself, the chirping birds, and the sun. I roll over in bed and the next time I check my phone it reads 9:17am.

Until Thursday

Alicia

P.S. Apparently my last post was my 50th post on this blog. That’s so exciting for me to have posted 50 things on here that people actually read and I can’t wait to post even more.

Dear Body…

Published on March 10, 2016February 1, 2018 by AliciaLeave a comment

Dear body,
You know this already, but I have rekindled my love for exercise and eating healthy and taking care of myself. Due to this, I have also recently realized that all of my years of hating you has taken its toll.

I have spent the past 10 years hating you. I have spent the last 10 years pinching and poking at you, as if my fingers possessed some sort of magic power, granting me the ability to make you smaller and fit society’s ideals. I have spent 10 years hating what I saw in the mirror looking back at me. I have spent the last 10 years telling my mom, dad, friends etc that I did put sunscreen on when in fact I didn’t but I wanted to change the eggshell coating I was given to obtain that longed after sun kissed glow. I have spent 10 years paging through magazines, looking in awe of actresses, singers, Victoria Secret models, and other celebrities near and far, asking myself why don’t you look like them. It has come to my attention that all of this negative energy, and poking, prodding, hating, it has harmed you.

At age 14, I started counting calories. After everyone had told me you were too big, too unhealthy. After my doctor had told me your size had skyrocketed. After people had told me than you needed to be sucked in, hid under clothes, changed, tampered with, etc. Because of all of this, I only allowed 1200 calories for you every day.I did this, hoping to make you smaller, more appealing, more loved, more accepted. When in reality I was harming you, depriving you of all you needed. All you needed to keep me functioning. What I would fill you with was 1200 calories of horrible, processed garbage. I was harming you. I was eating so little and not giving you the proper nutrients for a little girl to grow, flourish, thrive. I was trying to make you smaller, prettier, tanner. I was trying to make you the complete opposite of what you were. I would always leave you wanting more, my stomach grumbling with starvation, and for a while I would not give in.

Alas, these 1200 calorie days were not feasible. So I started bingeing. I would eat a carrot for breakfast. 30 calories for the most important meal of the day. Skipping lunch and then working out trying to burn as many calories as possible. When 3pm hit, and you were sick of being empty, I would fill you with any processed foods I could get my hands on from cookies, cakes, crackers, ice cream… anything to fill up my sad and grumbling stomach. I would do this constantly and then hate myself and you for letting this happen to me.

Everything I would do to you was out of hatred. Every blade to slice open my skin, every suicidal thought, every time I would starve myself to make you more appealing, every time I would binge, was out of hatred to you. When all this time, after all of the years I hated you, you did nothing but love me. You, you were the only one to love me unconditionally after all I had been through. After everything I did to you, you continued to love me.

I never realized all you have done for me. Every day and night for 19 years you have struggles keeping me alive… Struggled keeping me healthy, sane, thriving. Trying so hard to manage on the food I was putting into you, and it was hard. It has been so hard. And I’m so sorry. Every time I put the razor to my skin because I hated you so much, you would also try to fix yourself. Every part of my body adorned with scars show me this. Every time I would starve myself and not eat despite how many times your grumbles crying out for me to eat, you wouldn’t get mad at me. You still love me, despite everything I have done to you.

Every hateful word I have said and every harsh thing I have done to you, you have continued to love me unconditionally and keep me alive on this world. All I Have to say is that I am sorry. I am sorry for harming you. I am sorry for not loving you. I am sorry for not seeing all you have done and continue to do for me.

I am trying, body. I am trying to love you. I am trying to love you and myself. However, it’s been so hard. But I’m working on it. Nothing but good food has entered you since January 16th. My last binge was January 13th. The last time a razor touched you was September 3rd, 2015. I am working, and I am trying. Thank you for not giving up on me, despite all of the times I have given up on you. I love you.

Alicia

San Diego Power Outage 2016

Published on March 5, 2016May 27, 2018 by AliciaLeave a comment

Good evening. I seem to have been a little unaware that I had no previous post written and in the queue for Thursday, and noticed Thursday night. I would say it won’t happen again, but we both know it will. I’m only human.

The power is out on campus at the moment, and has been for the past 2 hours actually. Upon returning from retrieving some dinner for my roommate (the power went out whilst microwaving hers) and me attempting to use the backup lights in the hallways to get homework done, I figured I would blog.

Electricity is truly something we take for granted. It is always working and always there for us, but suddenly gone in the blink of an eye. I never realized how truly dependent we are on electricity. I say as I type on my laptop, which has a mere 47% battery left and no word on when the power will be back on.

After the power flickering on and off multiple times, and it not returning on after it had left the final time, my roommate and I peeked into the hallways to see that the backup hallways lights illuminated the otherwise dim building. Screams were heard outside of our building and inside as well. I heard many things but the most prevalent ones were “HOW WILL I CHARGE MY PHONE” and “I HAVE AN ESSAY DUE AT MIDNIGHT,” an essay that I will presume they have yet to even start or simply look at what it is on. This got me thinking.

We use electricity for virtually everything. From cooking dinner, lighting our houses (or dorms) to using our phones and computers. The human race is ever so dependent on electricity. And the fact that people were more concerned with how they would charge their phones rather than “will my food in my fridge last until the morning” or how will I be able to get filtered water if the filter isn’t working properly.

My roommate was livid. She’s from a decently wealthy background and couldn’t understand why this school, where she lives, isn’t equipped with the finest backup generators that California can provide. She couldn’t wait a mere 30 minutes to see if the power was back on before ordering about $20.00 worth of food from a vegan restaurant about 20 minutes away from campus. She had me accompany her to pick up her food, driving slowly enough so that her phone would charge above the 60% that she had upon leaving the dorm.

Personally I didn’t care. Honestly, yeah it would be great if my phone was charged and I could bring it to the gym in the morning to listen to my music, however the gym does have a pretty decent playlist so not having my phone wouldn’t be the end of the world. Honestly my number one concern was whether or not the gym would have power in the morning and if the showers would have hot water, post gym trip. It seems as if I was the only one concerned with these things. Things to keep me clean, healthy, and safe. Rather than my roommate and many others who actually had the audacity to ask if we were able to use the elevators and if they were working or not. I live on the 4th floor of my building and the trek of 3 flights of stairs for one night will not kill you. I made that ‘journey’ multiple times every day. Thank you fitbit for motivating me to go 10 flights of stairs everyday.

It’s funny too, how people were turning their laptops on, to see if the wifi was working, much to their dismay, it wasn’t. So, instead of just being content with no electricity and technology for a few hours, they logged onto their iTunes accounts to watch whatever movie they had downloaded when they were younger or to see if they had something to watch on their phones, while turning low power mode on just in case the power wasn’t on in the next 3 hours.

I do agree that electricity and technology have their benefits- weather, news, traffic, light, microwaves and fridges, etc. However, if I had to pinpoint the fall of humanity, the answer would also lie in technology. I’ll discuss that in another post.

For now, based upon the light that just flickered on above my head, and the jumping and screaming for joy heard outside my window, the electricity crisis of 2016 has come to an end and the San Diego State community will finally be able to continue on with their lives just as if the power outage had never happened

Talk to you all tomorrow (hopefully)
Alicia

Oscars 2016

Published on February 28, 2016May 27, 2018 by AliciaLeave a comment

Good afternoon everyone, in a few hours the Oscars will begin and every famous actor/actress whom I have looked up to since I was just a small little child with big aspirations of being a peer of theirs, will look flawless and almost unreal. They will be adorned in expensive gowns, suits, jewels, shoes, etc just for one night to win the award of a lifetime, and Oscar.

What is it about a small foot tall gold statue that gets everyone so worked up? Is it that once you win one, you are at a new level on acting? Does this mark the performance that was above all of the rest? Does not winning an Oscar after having so many phenomenal movies (yes I’m talking about the love of my life and twin Leonardo DiCaprio) make you any less of an actor?

Or is it more personal than this? Is an Oscar for actors an internal marker as well as an external one? Do actors compare themselves to Meryl Streep and Katherine Hepburn, 2 of those most decorated Academy Award winners in the past 88 years?

Just a few things I am wondering

Also, I swear if Leonardo DiCaprio doesn’t win an Oscar tonight I will do quite a few things

Cry
Write a strongly worded letter to the Academy
Not watch the Oscars until the next time Leo is nominated

Talk to you all Thursday

Alicia 🙂

Coffee Shop Romance

Published on February 25, 2016May 27, 2018 by Alicia5 Comments

I fall in love with every handsome pair of eyes I come into contact with.

When I’m not in class or asleep I’m typically in a coffee shop. It’s not a habit I’m willing to break. It’s been going on for the last 5 months and probably won’t quit once I transfer to ASU or embark on my future career.

They have a very calming aura, one that I can’t seem to find anywhere else, and they have become much of a second home for me.

When I’m annoyed with my roommate, want to get out of the dorm and just away from everyone I know, I turn to coffee shops.

They provide me with a solace and safe haven away from judgement and they make me extremely happy to be there. No matter which one I go to, I love every second of my time there.

Whenever I embark on my day long journey to the coffee shop of my choice, I always come into contact with a masterpiece. I always want to go up to these boys’ parents and congratulate them on creating such a sight.

From the glances back and forth, to the slight smiles when I knock my phone off the table, I fall more in love with this person.

However, after hours of the unspoken conversation, one of must depart.

And I begin the wait until my next adventure.

And the next pair of eyes to fall in love with.

Alicia

I am in need of a new mentality

Published on February 21, 2016October 14, 2016 by AliciaLeave a comment

After my last post about inner beauty being the most important, I realized I never got to say what I actually wanted to discuss. I started off that post saying that I needed to improve n something. The original post title was actually the title of this post “I am in need of a new mentality.” The thing I need to work on is my inner thoughts and actions.

I saw on tumblr once that “The first thought that goes through your mind is what you have been conditioned to think; what you think next defines who you are.” And I truly believe this to be true.

I’ll see someone with rainbow hair and hella piercing and at first I’ll be like “yikes” and right after I think that I’ll immediately regret thinking that and instead be like “wow girl you look bomb, more power to you. defy norms be awesome” etc.

I have also noticed I tend to do this more when with friends. When my friends are like “wow he/she looks ugly” or “why would they wear that” I tend to agree right off the bat. And I hate that I do that. It’s just second nature to judge people and that we live in a world where judgement comes so naturally.

Something I have always wanted /needed to do is to live a life of complete non-judgement. I need to stop basing my first reactions of people on my first judgemental thoughts. I know everyone is victim to it.

After dying my hair red, while there were so many people who were very supportive and who loved it, there were a ton of people who judged it, and people I didn’t know were also very judgemental of it too. They probably judged my whole self based on my hair color when in reality they knew nothing about me. It’s sad that this is the kind of world that we live in, but it’s reality.

I hate when I judge people based on random things. Maybe they have crazy hair, or a lot of piercings, or a ton of tattoos, maybe they have gauges, dress differently than me, or whatever else it may be. That doesn’t give me a right to judge them. Especially because I had had red hair, I have 3 tattoos, I have 11 piercings, and I don’t dress the same as everyone.

Just because someone is different than me doesn’t give me the right to judge. Just because I could never see myself with gauges or with a neck tattoo, doesn’t give me the right to judge those people who like those things. I don’t like being judged by people who don’t know me and basing me off of my appearance and not my personality. So, if I don’t like it, why can i judge others on the same things I hate? Oh right, I can’t.

That’s all for now.

Until Thursday

Alicia

Does What’s on the Inside Truly Matter?

Published on February 18, 2016October 14, 2016 by AliciaLeave a comment

Hi everyone. Look at me a week of keeping up with my post schedule. So proud of myself.

Anyways, something that I have always wondered about is the differentiation of inner and outer beauty and which one truly matters. I have come to realize there are quite a few things in my life that need work/ I need to improve on. Something people always think of when people say they want to fix something is something on the outside ie. needing to lose 20 pounds, wanting to fix their nose, wanting to get toned, etc. I’m already working on those (not the nose one… I think my nose is cute) by going to the gym and eating healthy and vegan and gluten-free whenever possible.

What people never seem to focus on is what is on the inside. We are raised being told it’s what’s on the inside that matters, but is that truly the case? When women in magazines are drop dead gorgeous and photoshopped to hide every flaw and every celebrity looks god/goddess-like wherever they go. In high school, and hell even middle school, the ‘popular crowd’ is always the cream of the crop on the outside. But what about their insides? Let me tell you there are some evil thoughts inside those perfect porcelain walls of theirs. Not that people not in those groups can’t be downright rude and a displeasure to be around, but if they are, they don’t have nearly as many friends if any at all. So, does it really matter what’s on the inside? That’s a question I’ve always wondered. I’ve (almost) always been a nice kid, especially in school ,and have never been considered popular. Popular amongst my group of friends,sure, but not what every kid envisions growing up.

In mean girls (do not judge me for using mean girls as an example.. it was a staple in every girl’s life growing up), Regina George is a horrible person : she bullies people, is so rude to her friends and everyone around her, and cheats on her boyfriend, yet, because she is gorgeous, she is considered a queen (literally… boys carried her outside for gym) I remember growing up and thinking I wanted to be popular, but never wanting to stoop to Regina George’s level to attain that much attention and popularity. So, what truly matters? the outside or the inside? In order to have all of these friends and get likes and favorites on instagram and twitter, do I have to be drop dead gorgeous or just know how to contour so well I look like a completely different person? Is that what it takes? Unfortunately neither of those things are attainable for me, so what now?

Do I succumb to a level of bitchiness with average looks in hope of achieving more friends? Of course not.So, what? I need to step back and look at everyone in my life I do have. Do I want to be friends with those people like Regina George who bully people, or with the people who bullied me? What about those people who are rude to their own friends to make themselves feel better? No, why would I want to be friends with those people, I want to be friends with genuine people and make long lasting quality friendships.

I have spent so much of my life longing to be popular and gorgeous. I have spent my fair share of time wondering if my friends and I were prettier, skinnier, more athletic etc… would we be popular? These things used to keep me up at night. When in the end it really doesn’t matter. My friends and I are beautiful just the way we are. We may not look like Barbie dolls, but we are genuine, kind, loving, caring, intelligent, generous, and just overall amazing human beings. They are there for me at all times during my best and worst times, and I am so thankful for all they do for me. So, the truth is, what’s on the inside does truly matter.

That’s all for today

Talk to you all on Saturday

Alicia

Tourist in my own city

Published on January 10, 2016October 14, 2016 by AliciaLeave a comment

Hi guys,

With just a little over a week left in Chicago before my 2nd semester at San Diego State, I have realized how fortunate I am to live in 2 of the top 10 largest cities in the United States. I have taken so many photos of my time in San Diego and all the explorations I have done there, yet never realized how amazing Chicago is. So, I’m going to make a nice lil compilation post about my explorations of Chicago since I’ve been home.

Recreating Ferris Bueller’s Day off

Buddha Friend

Me and the Buddha

Buddha

Very eery

Shoes

Mona

vegan and gf food

Sue the Dinosaur

Trees and Lake Michigan

Greektown Bathroom

vegan and gf food

Chagall Windows

Very Cute lady and dog made of shells

Butterflies

LION

Egypt Tomb

I bought the englightenment one

Totem Pole

Very pretty Leopard

Depression Reference

I thought this was gorgeous

Love this quote

Christkindlmarket

Modern Wing Mirror

It was snowing, raining,sleeting

Georgia O’Keefe and hermana

Horse Racing

He was very dispraportionate

There you all have it.. me being a tourist everywhere I go

Talk to you all soon

Alicia

My Happy Place

Published on January 5, 2016May 27, 2018 by AliciaLeave a comment

Do any of you have a place that you can go and be yourself and just totally relax? I hope you all do. Mine is my bed behind my computer screen blogging, however when I’m in San Diego, it’s a coffee shop in East Village San Diego. It’s called Coffee and Tea Collective and it is literally my favorite place. There is another C&T in North Park San Diego, but it’s always too crowded and too loud for me. Also, the one in East Village shares a space with a juice place called Juice Saves which has a menu filled with juices, kombucha, and smoothies, which is perfect in San Diego. Typically when I’m at a coffee shop I’m there for hours on end doing homework, writing essays, studying, etc. and I typically eat something from both places.

For all of my San Diego Readers out there or those who happen to end up on my blog, here are some recommendations I have for you

Coffee and Tea Collective

Black Iced Tea
Soy Latte (they do adorable latte art)

Juice Saves

Basic B*tch Smoothie
Any on tap Kombucha they have

From my 4 months of living in SD I have been on a mission to find a safe ad quiet haven for blogging, doing homework, and getting my caffeine fix, and out of the countless coffee shops I have tried, this dynamic duo for sure takes the crown. Hope you all can try it and that you love C&T and Juice Saves as much as I do.

Talk to you all soon

Alicia

P.S. My picture on the top of my blog was taken at C&T

Basic B*tch

Coffee shops are also good at having bomb lighting

Blog Logo atm

Soy Latte

Latte Art

Letter to a Younger Me

Published on December 29, 2015May 27, 2018 by AliciaLeave a comment

Dear Alicia,

You are beautiful. I will tell you this right now. No one will tell you except mom and all of her friends who are obligated to comment sweet things about their awkward teenage daughter because she has commented similar things on their posts with their model children. Have you met the Carey family? Anywho, you are beautiful. I don’t care what all those bullies have/will say, you’re beautiful.

You are an intellect. Everyone is. We’re all just good at different things. You are good at math and science and cannot draw for shit. That’s okay. Art and history aren’t your strong suits. Excel at what you are good at. Meanwhile, the artist and historian will be jealous of all of the amazing things you are accomplishing.

You are spectacular. You are a girl who has a smile to light up the room. Friends and family who cherish you (even when you don’t think they do) and let’s be honest, pretty great hair. Never let anyone tell you otherwise. In the words of Eleanor Roosevelt “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Give no one consent.

Those girls who are being mean to you now will mean nothing in 5 years. When you graduate with honors and they struggle to make it our high school and end up at community college… who really won? Oh yeah, you.

College is your decision. Student loans suck but honestly, going to your dream school that you love and are comfortable at is worth lifelong debt. Never let anyone try to sway your college decision. Go where you want, and study what you want. Also, you don’t need to have your mind made up at the age of 14. Molly thought she did and completely switched. It’s okay to not know.

It’s okay to cry. Cry about grandma, cry about missing the dog, Madi, dad, cry about your favorite TV character dying (you will trust me and you’ll be embarrassed, it’s fine). But do never let stupid people make you cry. (You will, trust me, but never cry in front of them) Don’t let them win.

You will regret cutting yourself. When people ask what’s wrong with your legs, and you have to say you fell, or your dog scratched you, or what have you, it’s embarrassing and sad. You also will still have those scars in college and you will not wear shorts because of them… yes even in California.

Do not kill yourself. People will tell you to kill yourself. People will tell you that killing yourself will not matter and no one will care. People. Will. Care. Trust me. Do not do it. Everyone will be sad and you can’t let those people win. Please don’t do it.

Spend as much time with your friends as you can. Once you all go off to college, scheduling hang outs during break is almost as painful as stepping on a lego. You won’t see everyone you wanted to and not everyone will want to see you. Move on.

That boy doesn’t love you. You may think he does, but he doesn’t. It will hurt, but guess what, his loss, not yours.

Be nice to Madi. She isn’t the worst sister you could have gotten and she deserved to be treated better.

Be kind to Rosie. Cuddle her, play with her, take her on walks. When you go off to college, you will only see her for four months and she is getting older. Just remember that even what she growls, she deep deep deep down does love you (i hope anyways)

Shower everyday. If you aren’t leaving the house… okay I get it. Whatever. But at least wash your face because you will need to.

Wear deodorant. Just do it.

Listen to mom and dad. Sometimes they are right (not always but sometimes)

Don’t be afraid to speak your mind. You have beautiful thoughts and they deserve to be shared with the world. People will listen and you will have enlightened someone on something. Speak up.

Do not be afraid to tell people your favorite movies or bands or books. Even if Shrek, Emperor’s New Groove, Miss Congeniality, Legally Blonde, High School Musical, One Direction, 5 Seconds of Summer, etc. are on there. It’s not just you who loves them.

Do not be afraid to not have plans. Stay in, watch movies and eat popcorn. One day you’ll wish you stayed in more.

Love yourself. This is something we are still working on. Growing up and being a teenager is very hard and going to school with models and beautiful skinny girls is even more rough. Women in magazines are not women in magazines. It’s just fact. Your body type isn’t the same as everyone else’s and your body is not their body and you are not them.

Do not compare yourself to other girls. Because guess what, that girl you idolize probably idolizes someone else too. You are too beautiful, amazing, perfect, and 100% unique to do that. No one looks just like you, so why do you want to look just like someone else? You don’t.

Be yourself. Dress like yourself. Act like yourself. If you have to act fake in front of people, they really aren’t your friends. Be friends with people who you can act like yourself around and keep them close.

I love you. You may not see that now and you may cry yourself to sleep every night because you hate yourself. You may cut yourself because you hate yourself. You may want to kill yourself because you hate yourself. But I love you. I am proud of you. I am proud of you for not killing yourself and stopping hurting yourself. You don’t cry yourself to sleep anymore and I have never been more proud of anyone in my life until now. You are an amazing girl and have accomplished so much in your 18 years on this planet and while there have been ups and downs, you are still here and in one piece. I am proud of you for that.

I love you,

Alicia