Tag: college transfer

What does your support system look like? How can you make it stronger?

I would say my support system is lacking…. and in more ways than one. I am the type of person who has problems (all kinds actually) but doesn’t like talking about them. I’m like a therapist for all of my friends.. they tell me their problems and I help them through it and they all think I’m the happiest, most carefree person to walk this planet Earth when that’s literally not the case whatsoever. I just hate talking about myself and what I’m going through. I mentioned in one of my past posts for this challenge that I don’t like asking for help and to me, discussing my problems is one in the same.

I’ve had a few (1 actually) friends who I’ve talked about my problems too but that’s because we were both in the same boat and we could relate a lot to each other. However, we haven’t really talked about ‘problems’ or things of that nature in maybe 2 or 3 years so now I really have no support system.

A few years back I went to therapy just to have someone to talk to. However, it didn’t really work for me. The reason it didn’t work was entirely my fault because I lied to her and told her my life was totally fine when in reality it wasn’t. Because of my once again happy-go-lucky shell fooling her and my family, she told me I really didn’t need to be seeing her anymore and that was that.

Something I can do to make my support system stronger is to first… have one. I had a really really shitty week last week which resulted in my roommate and I have a nice group mental breakdown in our room. It ended in the both of us saying we were going to check out the psychological services available on campus and to see what we can do from there. My roommate I guess has become part of my support system because we’re sort of dealing with the same stuff (not really but we both get what each other is going through at the moment) but we don’t really go too in depth about everything.

So, something I need to do is not bottle up my feelings so much until I break down in a public bathroom on campus but to start at the stem of my issues and go from there which I’m hoping I’ll somehow learn to do. But we’ll see.

Anyways, I’ll keep you all updated on this situation as I delve deeper and start taking my life by the reigns

Until tomorrow

Alicia

What things make you feel bad, but you find yourself doing anyway?

Well, where do I begin? I feel like I do a lot of things that make me feel bad but I still do them which is not really good?????? Humans don’t like change and changing my bad habits for good ones are not easy and I guess we have to pick our battles and this is not a battle I’m looking forward to.

Something I do a lot that makes me feel bad is isolating myself. I’m a pretty introverted person, to begin with, yet I still like human interaction. I mean I’m comfortable being alone but I still do like hanging out with my friends (not every day but decently enough). I’m definitely one of those plan cancellers. I make up shitty excuses like family emergencies, or I’m getting sick, or we went out of town on Thursday instead of Friday or whatever to get out of plans because that felt like the right thing to do at the time.

However, a few hours later or when the time I would’ve left comes I immediately regret it. I spend the night checking my other friends’ Snapchats, Instagrams, Facebooks, Twitter, etc. and I see them having so much fun. It always makes me sad for 2 reasons. 1. Why did I not go? I could’ve been having fun and see my friends who I only get to see a few times a year and 2. Would they be having this much fun if I were there?

So, not only do I regret not going but I also feel like they’re having more fun without me. It’s really shitty and I do it far too often and it’s such a hard thing to break. I’m all for taking a break on a Friday or whatever and having a night in, however, when you do it weekly???? Not good. I’m actively trying to do it less and less and over break a lot of the places I went to were concerts, so I’d already paid so obviously I wasn’t going to miss! Also, I just need to start thinking how great I feel when I’m with my friends and that they all love me or they wouldn’t invite me to hang out with them. Baby steps I guess but I’m getting there.

Do you guys do the same as me? Or is there something else you do that makes you feel bad?

Alicia

What’s something you’re working on believing that you deserve?

I think something that I’m desperately working on believing is that I deserve kind people in my life. I feel like that is a weird one to say because it’s pretty obvious that everyone deserves kind people in their lives, however, sometimes I really don’t believe it.

When there are amazing people in my life who are genuine and loving, and say nice things to/about me and really truly care about me I really feel like that I don’t deserve it. In the back of my head constantly, I’m always thinking that they’re too good to be in my life and that I really don’t deserve them because of how extraordinary they are.

Some of my best friends and family members I really just don’t know how they put up with me sometimes. I feel like I complain too much, talk too much, can be too annoying,  don’t always say what/how I feel (which can be difficult to deal with), and sometimes don’t always put in my effort into our relationship but they always stick by my side and almost NEVER get upset with me or anything and they always continue to put in 100% effort into our relationship when I don’t/can’t.

Another bad thing I do is push people away. In my past, I’ve had people leave my life after I just got used to them being in my life as a big part. All of high school and college I try my hardest to not get close to people because I feel like the same thing will happen and despite me pushing people away, they don’t get angry or leave, they stay in my life because they love and care about me and they want me in their lives just as much as I want them (even if I don’t always show it).

Even though I don’t always think I deserve these amazing people in my life, having them in my life makes me so fortunate that I have them and it makes me want to be the best possible half of the relationship that I can be.

Alicia

How can you give yourself a break today? (mentally, physically, or emotionally)

This is actually a bit funny to me because I already gave myself quite the break this morning by dropping a class. I was initially taking 7 classes this semester because I’m double majoring along with a minor, however, I realized that 7 was too many for my brain to handle.

Last night, after completely breaking down and trying to figure out if I can still graduate on time if I postpone that class a semester, I was relieved to see that I can and will be postponing one of my Spanish classes until further notice.

I am not in a place mentally right now to have an extra 2-3 readings per night paired with 6 presentations (yeah… 6). I gave myself the night to think it over, maybe I can handle 7 classes. However, once I arose this morning I realized my thoughts last night were right and immediately dropped the class. Now, not only do I just have 6 classes, I also start the day an hour later, so a win-win in my book.

How are you giving yourself a break today?

Alicia

P.S. This is my 300th post! Woohooooo

How are you making the world a better place?

I think this question is really interesting. It’s not something I’ve ever really thought about. However, I can think of a few things that I do that I think make the world a better place.

1. I recycle- this may seem minuscule but it keeps landfills smaller and keeps our planet.. you know.. alive.
2. I volunteer- Obviously, I volunteered in Peru, but I’ve volunteered on other occasions and hope to continue doing so in my future. Volunteering is also something that can be small but improves the world for at least one person.
3. I compliment people- happy people make a happy world right? I sure think so. I always compliment people on even the littlest things because it makes them happy, which makes their world a better place.
4. I am myself- We are all so different and being yourself and sharing your true self sure as hell makes the world a better place (unless you’re racist, homophobic, or a misogynist, but let’s not discuss that right now)

How do you make the world a better place?

Alicia

What’s one change you can make to increase your happiness?

I think one change I can make to increase my happiness is working out more. I’ve always loved working out,  I love pushing and improving myself during each workout. However, I get really bad anxiety about going to the gym (I have bad social anxiety already paired with the fact that I don’t really like people watching me work out) so I don’t go too often. I’ll get dressed, fill up my water bottle, even get a jacket on, and I’ll psych myself out so much that I don’t go. When I’m at home, this doesn’t affect me because I shoo everyone upstairs for an hour or so so I can do what I have to do, but at school that’s another story.

I want to start trying to go to the gym at a time that a lot of people aren’t there to help with that, but with the new year and new resolutions, the gym has been packed pretty much 24/7. I’m going to try to do some workouts at home because I have a yoga mat, weights, and resistance bands in my room, so once I know my roommate’s schedule, I’ll get cracking on that.

If any of you have any home workout ideas that you could give me, that would be much appreciated as well!

Alicia

P.S. My blog got a bit of a revamp so I hope you all enjoy it, because I do!

When was the last time you indulged yourself and how?

I think the last time I indulged myself was the week before this semester started. I know that self-care and love aren’t just face masks and bath bombs but boy do they help! And over the course of 1 or 2 days these are just what I did. For Christmas every year I usually get a few bath bombs or a Lush gift card and this year I got both. Lush never sells out on all of their Christmas products so the days following Christmas, they usually have huge sales for up to 50% off of everything Christmas related. So, naturally I raid the store and have tons of fun products to use and since they’re natural, I have to use most of them pretty quickly.

During my little treat myself endeavor, I made myself some pancakes (chocolate chip of course), did a face mask, and then took a bath and used some of the products from my little Lush haul. It’s something I love doing and if I only do it once every 3-6 months then I’ll indulge all I want. 🙂

Alicia

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What is the most loving thing you’ve ever done for yourself?

I think the most loving thing I have ever done for myself is probably either dropping a bad friend or just giving myself a break.

My junior year of high school and a few other occasions  I’ve discovered some of my friends were not people I wanted in my life and over time I was able to drop them. Dropping negative people isn’t a hard thing to do anymore, however, in high school.. it was. Being constantly around the same people for 40 or so hours a week along with extracurriculars and being in the same friend groups… it’s hard. However… with perseverance, grit, and some very well crafted notes (looking back on this it was so childish… but whatever works I guess) some very negative people were out of my life.

I remarked yesterday or the day before that I used to be all go go go constantly and that really drained me. I think something that was very loving was realizing that I physically couldn’t do so many things and needed to reevaluate and choose to do what I loved AND had the time for.

What have you guys done that is loving for yourselves?

What are you afraid to ask for? What do you need to speak up about?

Something I’m always afraid to ask for is help. Whether it’s for directions, school, or otherwise I hate asking for help. I always feel like I can do everything myself and while that’s a great thing to believe, it’s just not practical. I’m one of those people who constantly take on new projects, always wanting to help others until I physically can’t put anything else on my plate. I don’t like letting others down, so I’ll skimp out on homework or studying for an exam to get everything I promised done. Ever since being in Ohio, I’m trying to do less. I get to focus on school and myself a whole lot more while still helping others as best I can. It’s hard not being go go go like I have been in the past but it’s always nice to just stop and relax every once in a while.

Something I need to speak up about is probably when others hurt (not physically) me. I can be a bit of a pushover when it comes to certain people and certain topics and I end up letting people walk all over me. This actually happened yesterday (haha typical) and I always get frustrated with the outcome of these situations even though it’s really my fault that the outcome happened. I need to be able to say no and let others know how I feel because there’s a huge chance that some of them don’t know they’re taking advantage of me.

What do you all need to speak up about and ask for?

Alicia

What would your younger self be proud of you for today?

This one has been by far the hardest prompt for me to do, or even think about. I don’t like thinking about my younger self often because she was constantly bullied, had bad friends (some good, but a lot of bad), a lot of mental issues, a bad body-image, and a very dreary outlook on life.

All throughout middle school (but the end of elementary and early high school) my life sort of sucked. All of this pent up negativity in my life led me to be a very mean person, who hated everyone.

So, I think my younger self would be proud of me cutting the bad people out of my life, even if it took a couple years to do it. She would be proud of me for standing up for myself and not letting people walk all over me. She would be proud of me for seeking help for numerous things I was too afraid to do so for in the past.

My younger self would be proud of me for a lot of things, however, I think the thing she would be the proudest of for is for taking care of myself and putting myself first. I  work my hardest to be myself and be proud of it and for (almost) always loving who I am. Being kind to myself, body and mind had been a constant struggle for me for years and I’m getting better at it day by day. I am nicer to myself (and others) now and it is something I strive to improve upon each and every day moving forward

Alicia

Take a selfie. Just as you are. Find one thing to love about it

If I’m being honest, there are many things about this photo I could critique. From my tired eyes to my slept in hair, to my flushed red skin. However, upon first glance at this photo, the only thing I saw was my smile. My usual fake meh smile was replaced with a genuinely happy smile, that only comes around once in a blue moon.

I got back to school today, and after the treacherous 7-hour drive, a trip to Walmart, and unloading the car, I was alone, tired, and had so much work to do, yet I was still smiling. I’m smiling because even after 4 hours of sleep, eating garbage food all day, and sitting for 7 hours, I’m in one of my favorite places on the planet and nothing can put a damper on that.

What things make you feel happy to be alive?

1. My dog
2. The smell after it rains
3. Freshly washed sheets
4. Getting into bed right after a shower, with shaven legs and a big t-shirt
5. The smell of the flower section at Trader Joe’s
6. Freshly brewed coffee
7. The feeling of the sun on your skin when you’ve been inside for a while.
8. Crossing things off of checklists
9. Drinking lemonade in the summer
10. Not having to get out of the bed in the morning
11. Getting complimented
12. When I reach my Fitbit step goal for the day
13. Taking a nap after a long day at work
14. Pay Day
15. Reorganizing something that desperately needed it
16. Finally finishing cleaning my room
17. Cooking
18. When I get home from somewhere and my dog is the first one to greet me
19. Fresh fruit and vegetables
20. Walking barefoot in the grass
21. Singing along to a song in the car
22. Sunrises
23. Sunsets
24. The sound of the Ocean
25. The smell of the Ocean
26. Baby goats
27. Baby pigs
28. Really any animal let’s be honest
29. Waking up in the middle of the night and realizing you have more time to sleep
30. The cold side of the pillow
31. Wearing a new outfit
32. The sound of an ice cream truck
33. Feeling confident
34. Having an all around good day
35. Getting a text from someone you haven’t talked to in a while
36. Dairy-free ice cream
37. Getting a day off of work
38. Printed photographs
39. Scrapbooks
40. Getting new shoes
41. Getting my nails done
42. Getting a haircut… that I actually don’t hate
43. Hanging out with friends for the first time in a while
44. Writing
45. Museums
46. Getting flashed a smile from a stranger
47. Listening to a band’s new album for the first time
48. Early morning when all you hear are birds chirping
49. The color blue
50. Bookstores
51. Volunteering
52. Small towns
53. Crunchy leaves
54. My favorite pair of jeans
55. When people use the correct form of ‘your’
56. Taking my shoes/bra off after a long day
57. Candles
58. No dirty dishes in the sink
59. Making lists
60. Playing cards with a big group of people
61. Coloring Books
62. HGTV
63. Disney movies
64. Seeing pictures people took of me doing things when I didn’t know I was being photographed
65. My smooth skin after shaving my legs
66. The smell of my shampoo
67. Office supply stores
68. Notebooks
69. Stargazer Lilies
70. Murals
71. Potatoes
72. Cobblestones streets
73. Rainbows
74. Stickers
75. Living on my own

What things make you guys happy to be alive?

Alicia