Tag: blog

Cancer

Published on by Alicia4 Comments

Hi everyone, sorry this is so late but I wanted to write something and between working and trying to watch the Cubs game I forgot all about it.

As many of you know, October is breast cancer awareness month. This post is about cancer, not breast cancer, though.

6 years ago today (October 19th, 2010) my grandma passed away from Stage 4 lung cancer. I was only in 8th grade at the time and I am so devastated that I missed out on living so much of my life without the amazing woman she was. I have changed so much since eighth grade and I know she would be proud all that I’ve accomplished since then.

I first remember my dad coming into my bedroom earlier that year (March), telling me that she was sick. We sat and cried on my bed until there were no more tears to cry.

Next, I remember going to visit her every weekend that we could until she died, watching her slowly deteriorate before all of our eyes, everyone knowing but keeping quiet about it and only talking about how amazing she was doing.

The worst part about it was, I remember not cherishing the short amount of time I had left with her. I always thought she would get better and everything would go back being like old times. I remember ( and still hate myself for this to this day) her forgetting I had said goodbye to her already so my dad made me get out of the car to say goodbye again. I sulked into the house, quickly hugged her, mumbled goodbye and blew past everyone visiting back into my car. Looking back on it I would give anything to say goodbye to her again.

Upon getting home from a school trip to Washington D.C, my dad wasn’t home (with my grandma) and my mom broke the news to me that she wouldn’t make it much longer and we were going the next morning to see her and say goodbye. She didn’t wake up the next morning. When my dad got home and told us, we cried together for the second time.

Despite all of these sad moments, they aren’t the things I remember most about her. I remember her introducing me to the movie ‘Miss Congeniality” and watching it every time I would spend the night at her house. How that movie also became my favorite overtime. I remember that I stayed at her house for 2 weeks one summer and I got to watch old movies, garden, make woven potholders (a lot cooler than it sounds), make jewelry, and eat cake for breakfast with her.

What I’m trying to say is that cancer is a horrible disease and takes so many people away each day. Please remember, today and every day, tell your loved ones you love them because you never know when it could be the last time you tell them. I love and miss you Grampatty

Alicia

Let’s learn some words, shall we?

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Happy Birthday Noah Webster, aka Father of the American Dictionary. Dictionaries are crazy things, there are so many words in that huge book that I can’t pronounce, can’t define, or can’t even tell if it’s English or not. However, as a writer, something I should always be doing is expanding my vocabulary. It’s only fitting that I do this on National Dictionary Day.

Here are 10 words I didn’t know the meaning to but now do. I also chose words I can most likely remember to use here and add to my everyday vernacular. Let’s do this.

  1. Lavation– (lay-VAY-shun) | noun *October 16th Merriam-Webster’s Word of the Day*
    1. Definition: the act or an instance of washing or cleansing
    2. Examples: “In Maycomb County, it was easy to tell when someone bathed regularly, as opposed to yearly lavations….”
  2. Odious (o-dee-us) | adjective
    1. Definition: arousing or deserving hatred or repugnance : hateful
    2. Example: Volunteers gathered on Saturday morning to scrub away the odious graffiti spray-painted on the school.
  3. Guerdon (gur-dun) |  noun
    1. Definition: reward, recompense
    2. Example: “The big hurdle … was early promotion to captain. … This early promotion, this small dry irrevocable statistic in the record, was his guerdon for a quarter of a century of getting things done.
  4. Macadam (muh-KAD-um) | noun *only chose this word because my backyard has a macadam*
    1. Definition: a roadway or pavement of small closely packed broken stone
    2. Example:The sloping, curved street saw light traffic and had a smooth macadam surface that made it popular with skateboarders.
  5. Impavid (im-pavdid) | adjective
    1. Definition: Fearless
    2. Example: Giant by thine own nature, Thou art beautiful, thou art strong, an impavid colossus,And thy future mirrors that greatness.
  6. Belgard (bell-guard) | noun
    1. Definition: A loving look
    2. Example: She left me a belgard from across the room.
  7.  Druthers (druhth-erz) | noun
    1. Definition: one’s own way
    2. Example: If I had my druthers, I’d sleep all day.
  8. Invective (in-VEK-tiv) | noun
    1. Definition: abusive language
    2. Example: … the explosive role that social media has assumed in this campaign have made for a nasty brew of invective, slurs and accusations….
  9.  Haimish (hey-mish) | adjective
    1. Definition: (slang) cozy and unpretentious
    2. Example: … you would like the candle-lit dining room (below), formerly a watchmaker’s shop, where there are perhaps a dozen tables, a fish tank, and murky paintings–all of which contribute to an ambiance best described as Transylvanian haimish.
  10. Bon Mot (bon moh) | noun
    1. Definition: a witty remark or comment; clever saying
    2. Example: He was an extrovert and a character, again like his mother, with a knack for tossing off the perfect bon mot. Once at a dinner party, he told his seat mate, “We are all worms. But I do believe that I am a glow-worm.”

 

I hope you all learned something from these, because I definitely did. Keep an eye out and see if you see me use these in a post in the future 😉

Alicia

 

 

Sweetest Day

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It is Sweetest Day and the closest thing I have to a ‘sweetest’ is my dog. My dog who growled at me this morning because I was far too close to her food (at least 10 feet away).

Despite this, I have decided to talk about some other sweet (sweet as in awesome not dessert-like) things

  1. Time Off Work- I don’t have to babysit until Tuesday (I also had Thursday, Friday, and this morning off) because the little girl is sick… and got me sick lol but at least I get to mope around and do nothing
  2. Saint Motel– I AM SEEING THEM TONIGHT/RIGHT NOW depending on when I post this. May or may not make a post discussing this amazing night.
  3. Oreos– I am curled up in bed eating them right out of the package as I type
  4. Thrift stores- My sister and I went to two of our local thrift stores the other day. I got 2 books, a super cute mug that says “tough *picture of a cookie*” on one side and on the other side it says“smart *picture of cookie*” It was adorable and only $.25 so I had to. I also got a Polaroid camera from 1963 for only $18 dollars!!!!!!!!!! It is so cool and makes a great display next to my two other film cameras on my dresser
  5. Ramen (without the flavor packet because.. you know meat flavor)- As a kid, ramen was always a staple if you were sick. Since I am sick again, I went to look to see if the noodles themselves were vegan (I wAS IN LUCK) and ended up adding some chives, garlic, salt, onion powder, and celery salt for the same smell and even better taste than the original.
  6. Dogs- We are dog sitting for the weekend and instead of my daily dose of one dog… I GET TWO DOGS
  7. Sweaters– that’s all but I have been living in sweaters because it’s cold and it looks like I tried even though I didn’t.
  8. Grid paper journals– I gave into the trend of the graph paper journal, I ended up getting a pack of 3 for half the original price of one so obviously I had to jump on that. Not sure what they will contain, but I have 360 pages of neatness to write in.
  9. Pumpkins- I was at Trader Joe’s the other day and bought myself a $.69 pumpkin. It is adorable. Not only that, but I am trying to coordinate a pumpkin patch visit with some of my close friends. If that does happen, expect a very cute, very orange post about it.
  10. New Appliances- My washing machine like broke but still works but broke. It leaks water from the bottom whenever you use it so when you forget about that and step in it, shrieked can be heard from outside (or so I am told). Our new washer and dryer will be arriving sometime today and I am SO excited to use them!

Just a few super sweet things about my life right now

Happy Sweetest Day to those with a sweetie and those with merely (merely? animals are 100000x better than any significant other you could every imagine) an animal.

Alicia

Babysitting Update

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I know I just did a college update but combining them would have been super long so I split it into two different update posts.

So, I mentioned earlier that I had acquired a babysitting job and that really was the only thing keeping me sane. It made me have to get out of bed, eat, shower, etc.

I also mentioned hoe great the kids and family in general was. However, typically when babysitting, the kids should be the most difficult part of the job, not the parents. In my case, however, the parents are killing me. I have been at this job for 6 (?) weeks and I went from babysitter to maid in the blink of an eye.

During my interview, the father told me I would have to make the girls’ bed, do their dishes, and sometimes help with laundry. It’s fine I do all of that at home and I have helped other families similarly. When I first started, the grandparents were in town from India and the grandma was helping a lot: making their bed occasion, cleaning up random items, etc. However, the day the grandparent left, my life became a living hell.

The mom now expected me to vacuum and dust the girls room and the living room, weekly, do all of the girls’ laundry and then iron the girls’ clothes, clean their whole living space, and then some. I am only being paid $13 an hour and when you have to watch the kids, drive the kids to and from places, and be their personal bitch, that isn’t enough nor is there enough time in the 25 hours I am there per week to get everything done.

The parents told me on my first day there that the girls were far too dependent on their parents and past babysitters so I needed to let them do things themselves. Because of this, I did let the girls do things on their own. However, the mom scolded me when I let the girls brush their teeth themselves, pick their own clothes, and choose their own snacks after school. WHAT

To top it off, they got mad at me when I didn’t pick up their daughter on time. Reasonable, right? Wrong, the mother told me  that the bus would arrive at the stop at 1150 (early dismissal) and ended up arriving at the stop at 1130. Not my damn fault. Anyway, the dad got pissed at me for no reason so not only did I have to drive to her school to pick the kid up, but I also managed to get a lecture from the parents.

In the end, I was tired of being asked too much, being scolded when I couldn’t complete all the tasks asked of me, and not being paid nearly enough for these things. Now, I will begin looking for another job. In the meantime you can catch me, doing no harm, but taking no shit as well.

Until next time

Alicia

Society Told Me

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Yesterday was World Mental Health Day. It has exploded on twitter and it makes me smile to know that there are so many people in this world who struggle with the same issues that I do. It also makes me smile knowing that there are so many people speaking out about their illnesses despite society constantly dehumanizing us for having them.

Mental illnesses have always been something I struggled with. Although when I first started struggling I didn’t know they were called mental illnesses and I merely thought I was some emo freak who wanted to die for attention, because that’s what society told me.

I can remember the first time I ever thought about killing myself in seventh grade and how I thought  would never be happy. I remember thinking that I belonged in an insane asylum which is why it showed up in every single one of my seventh grade art projects. I laughed it off but secretly thought I belonged in one, because that’s what society told me. I can remember the first night I self-harmed and how I had to cover my arms and legs and stomach at all costs in fear of someone calling me out for being a freak and ostracizing me, because that’s what society told them to do. I can remember defending one of my friends for cutting and saying she was just like us. Each of them told me I was “as crazy as her” for saying something like that, and they were afraid she would kill herself because of the cutting, because that’s what society told them, that everyone who cuts is emo and will kill themselves.

Here I am, 7 years after I wanted to kill myself for the first time. I still do sometimes but I begin to realize that this feeling will pass and it won’t make anything better. I can remember the last time I ever self-harmed, a little bit over a year ago. I remember how happy I was when I was one-year self-harm free and how much I cried on that day because I never thought I would live to see that day.

Today I want society to piss off. Mental illnesses are normal. 1 in 4 people have them. The stigma behind mental illnesses needs to stop. If I post this anywhere, ever, I guarantee most people will not even believe this is something I struggle from, because unlike what society tells you, people who live with mental illnesses can function in everyday society just like those without.

The last thing anyone wants to hear is that it gets better, but the one thing everyone needs to hear is that you are not alone. I needed to hear that 7 seven years ago, I needed to hear that last night. World Mental Health Day exists for people who suffer from mental illnesses to know they are not alone. We may feel like it so often, but we aren’t. This day also exists so that we can end this stigma that accompanies mental illnesses. This stigma is the reason I waited 5 years to get help, the reason so many other wait that long or don’t get help at all. Society has dehumanized people with mental illnesses and this is our day, to show that we are humans and we are just as capable. Everyone fights their own battles, mine just take place inside of me.

Quick College Update post

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Hi everyone. So, a couple posts ago, I mentioned that I had absolutely zero clue where i wanted to transfer to next fall. Well this is still the case, but I have a little bit more figured out.

For starters, college. I have been looking into schools for about a month, picking ones with a variety of majors, extracurriculars and good financial aid packages. I had written a list of maybe 15 colleges down that had all of these. Upon further investigation, hearing from other students, etc, I have narrowed my list down to 7, and here’s why.

  1. DePaul University- Lincoln Park, Il: DePaul is a great school that is close to almost everything in Chicago. With a wide variety of extracurriculars. Sports, and majors, it’s basically perfect. The only con is that because of the proximity to my house, my parents are urging me to live at home while I attend. I get saving $15000 and potential loans in ideal, but at what cost?
  2. Ohio University- Athens, Ohio: This is newer on the list so I don’t have an insane amount of reasons why it’s there. The school is great, they have everything I need and more, plus  I Wouldn’t have to live at home…
  3. Xavier University- Cincinnati Ohio: Xavier is still high on my list because it was my second option for schooling the first time around. It’s a beautiful quaint campus with an impressive track record on all things academic. My only issue is it doesn’t have a huge variety of majors so if I want to switch (again) I may be out of luck.
  4. The University of Findlay- Findlay, Ohio: These last 4 are on the list because they have everything I need, some even more. I really want to attend one of the top 3, but if somehow that can’t happen, one of these four will be just as great.
  5. Otterbein University- Westerville, Ohio: These last 4 are on the list because they have everything I need, some even more. I really want to attend one of the top 3, but if somehow that can’t happen, one of these four will be just as great.
  6. Winona State University- Winona Minnesota: These last 4 are on the list because they have everything I need, some even more. I really want to attend one of the top 3, but if somehow that can’t happen, one of these four will be just as great.
  7. Clarke University- Dubuque Iowa: These last 4 are on the list because they have everything I need, some even more. I really want to attend one of the top 3, but if somehow that can’t happen, one of these four will be just as great.

I have asked my dad to let me visit Xavier and University of Ohio soon so that I Can gauge if I want/still want to attend either. I have visited DePaul, however I have not taken an official tour. I want to do and get a bit more information to make a truly educated decision.

Alicia

Mental Illness Awareness Week

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Hi friends, this week was mental illness awareness week. Basically, having mental illnesses suck but we need to understand that 1 in 4 people struggle with them and that typically, these people can function in society just like people without.

I always struggled with my mental illnesses since I was in middle school. Now, I am finally coming to terms with them and myself. It’s very unfortunate that I had to struggle with mental illnesses alone for such a long time. I do not want any of you, or anyone ever to have to go through something like this alone.

Recently, I started following the instagram @wearyourlabel which is basically a clothing store that tells you it’s okay to not be okay. This instagram sells shirts with slogans such as “self care isn’t selfish,” “you are enough,” and “anxious but courageous.” I really like all of them and in order to prevent impulse buying each of them, I am holding off until I can narrow down until there is only one I am absolutely in love with.

After I started following wear your label, another instagram account @buddyproject. Intrigued as to what the ‘buddy project’ was all about, I followed them back and took a look at their website. Basically the buddy project is a project started by Gabby Frost. Gabby’s mission was to pair people as buddies while raising awareness for mental illnesses.

I really think that the buddy project is a great organization and kudos to Gabby for thinking about it. It’s very easy to sign up for a buddy. All you have to do is share you name, twitter handle, email, and share what a few interests are and bam! You’re signed up. I’m not sure how long it will take to get my buddy, but when I do find out, I’ll be sure to let you all know. I also recommend everyone suffering from mental illnesses or those wanting to be more aware of mental health in general, to take a look at either wear your label or buddy project.

Have a great weekend and Always Remember to be Aware of Mental Illnesses. I didn’t write 2 essays and three speeches about them in college for nothing

Alicia

Fall Mixtape

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When I had one of my previous blogs, my friend and I decided to choose a summer song that was sort of our anthem for the summer. We used it in each of our youtube videos as background music and whenever it played on the radio, we were ecstatic. So, i have decided to make a fall playlist and why I chose each song. Also, this list is just such a jumble of random songs of many genres, they’re just songs I have been jamming to lately and want to share.

1: Closer- Chainsmokers ft. Halsey

Okay, so this is a jam and anyone who tells me otherwise is lying or needs their ears checked. This is a song that I dance around my house in my underwear to. Also, whenever this song comes on when I’m driving I turn the radio up super high and jam (mom if you’re reading this, I am still being safe even if I am using one of my arms to fist bump). I have listened to this song at least 100 times since they performed it on the MTV video awards in August. I also like it because I want a tattoo on my shoulder and they sing about one (lol).

2: My Body- Young the Giant

This is another jam of mine. I have sort of been a fan of this band for a couple of years but I recently started getting more into them and discovered this song, as well as many other amazing ones. This is another one of those jamming in your underwear songs.

3: Sit Still, Look Pretty- Daya

I’m all for independent women songs, especially in this era (all eras really) when it is instilled in women that they have to be at a man’s every beckon call. This is such a great song, mood uplifter, and empowering song to women everywhere. However, almost every song by Daya and Alessia Cara seem to have that effect. I’m also a fan because every time I have been in a car or it has come up on Spotify or whatever, every man always asks what HBIC means. It’s sort of funny because the notion a woman can be in charge leaves men and their masculinity in shambles.

4: That’s My Girl- Fifth Harmony

Another lady jam. Fifth Harmony has been quite the group of role models for young women everywhere who need to show anyone that they are independent and amazing and don’t need validation from anyone. This is their most recent single released off of their album and even though I wouldn’t consider myself a huge fan (harmonizer I think they call themselves), kudos to them for empowering women everywhere.

5: Make You Miss Me- Sam Hunt

Don’t judge me for liking Country music. My dad has literally lived on a farm and I was raised on it (the music not the farm). Also, I don’t care if you don’t appreciate my music taste. It’s a nice slow song that has a lot of meaning for him and is nice for car rides alone, aka me all the time because I have no friends (jk my drive to and from work but not jk about the no friends part)

6: Cancer- Twenty One Pilots

If any of you are/were My Chemical Romance fans, you may be familiar with the song Cancer. Twenty One Pilots recently covered it, and if I ever need a good cry or a moment to remember how fragile life is, I give it a listen. My grandma died of cancer in the fall and a playlist without a song dedicated to her, wouldn’t be complete.

7: 1997- Saint Motel

I love this song. I absolutely adore it. I am actually seeing them in concert in like 2 weeks and am PUMPED. Anyway, it’s an amazing song and I was also born in 1997 so bonus. It’s a bit of a slower song, not super slow, not super fast, but awesome nonetheless.

8: This Town- Niall Horan

Alrighty, I was (still am) always a HUGE One Direction fan, so last week Niall Horan shook my entire existence by releasing this song. I haven’t listened to it enough to memorize every word yet, but I am working on it. I miss the band, but I am super happy for each of the band members (except Zayn, RIP Zayn) that they are happy and living their lives during their break (?) or whatever they’re doing. No one really knows what is going on with that band anymore.

9: From the Ground Up- Dan and Shay

Another country song. Woot. This is such a cute song about family and love and other gross stuff. I have never aspired to have a family of my own but if I were to, I would want it to resemble the family that Dan and Shay sing about in the song.

10: Cool Girl: Tove Lo

I had planned on putting 13 songs on here but, as you can tell from my last 3 descriptions as to why they are featured on this playlist, they were lacking. It is almost 1 in the morning and I have to be up at 715. Hahahahahahahaha kill me. Anyway, this is a Cool Song (get it because the title is Cool Girl). Ok, enough exhaustion filled jokes. I really like this song and it is a jam and I go hard to it every time it comes on the radio, which of course, since all radio stations play the same 7 songs for weeks on end, has been a lot.

 

Well, if this gets good feedback, I might make one for each season. Please Note that Winter’s will mainly consist of Christmas Carols with #1 being Mariah Carey’s iconic ‘All I Want for Christmas is You”

Until next time,

Alicia

 

 

Addicted… to Social Media

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Hello all. Today, I was browsing the snapchat discovery page and saw a girl gave up social media for a month and discussed her overall experience, pros, cons, etc. I have seen many people (not really.. Only about 5) give up social media and then write about their overall experience. What struck me in the article I read today, was that she discussed reasons why she went back on social media… No one, other than this one obviously, has discussed why they returned to social media, only the pros of giving it up. All of these people, including myself, did discuss why social media is controlling, frustrating,etc, but I realize I never mentioned, in depth, the reasons I didn’t bid adieu to social media forever. So, I figured I would give a few pros to social media, and revisit a few of the cons as well.

Pro #1: Keeping up to date on what your friends/family are doing.

I follow over 500 people on instagram, about 300 on twitter, have over 1000 facebook friends, and probably 150 or so snapchat amigos as well. Social media gives me the opportunity to keep track of what they’re doing with their lives. Obviously, I hear big events from people I am close with via text, phone call, or face to face encounter. However, random things, like cool concerts, adventures, and other random things that I may think are cool are not always brought up. While not everything I see or read on social media about people is life changing, I do like seeing when people I am close with, or even simple acquaintances are having a blast in their lives.

Con #1: Political Posts

These are the reasons I still don’t have the facebook app downloaded on my phone. POLITICAL POSTS. Yes, I post my own, almost everyone I know posts something political every once in awhile. A girl has blocked me for my liberal posts and when I see people who are so intolerant and unaware of the state of our country it makes me want to vomit. I totally understand that people have their own opinions, no matter how much sometimes they make me cringe, but being as ass to someone for their views isn’t something I’m too keen on. And when people have the audacity to bring their Donald Trump bullshit onto MY POST I draw the line right there and will drag them into the dark depths of republican hell… Hillary Clinton-ville.

Pro #2: Memes/filters/fun

You are lying to me if you say that putting on funny alien faces and having fireworks pop out of your face on snapchat isn’t funny. Despite the terrible Harambe incident, the memes are chuckle worthy. Whenever I go on social media I am bombarded with memes, stupid filters, and videos of funny people doing funny things. I could spend hours on vine looking at people talking about their croc tattoos, random dancing videos, and cats doing actions that hysterically correlate to songs. If I had to thank social media for one thing, it’s making me laugh until I am crying and my stomach hurts on a daily basis.

Con #2: Take up time when could do something productive

My favorite thing to do is going on twitter and seeing people tweeting about how much homework they have, or how many tests they have to study for. WHY ARE YOU TWEETING IT WHEN YOU COULD BE STUDYING? Maybe I should practice what I preach. Whenever I am trying to get out of doing work, I immediately grab my phone and press the twitter app. All of a sudden it is an hour later, and I have scrolled past countless tweets, videos, and photos and have yet to write that 5-page essay. Hmmmmm. It is nice to check a few times a day, but when there are more pressing issues, such as homework that can’t complete itself, social media can be quite the menace.

Pro #3: Being independent of your phone

My phone was always sort of a safety blanket for me. Any ‘awkward’ moment I found myself immersed in, I would immediately pick my phone up, like today when my avocados dropped out of my cart and I didn’t notice and had to wait for a lady to go “Miss, you dropped these!” from 50 feet away. I immediately thanked her and pulled my phone out, mindlessly scrolling through in order to forget the situation that had just occurred.

Whether I would be walking to class, waiting for our professor, standing in line at the grocery store, any moment of silence I would pull my phone out. I still do that, less frequently, though. I don’t know if I’ll ever be 100% independent from my phone and comfortable enough to not pull out my phone in any awkward moment of my life, but I am starting to be more independent from it, and I don’t need it attached at my hip every second of the day anymore, which is a start.

Con #3: Rude people

I know this is a bit more popular when you have quite an instagram following, but cyber bullying is a real thing, even if there are quite a few people who seem to think it isn’t a pressing topic. I have personal experience on this and I know many other people do as well. Rude people are everywhere and it’s a shame that people hide behind computer screens to show hatred. I know you can go on private and block people blah blah blah, but if people really want to talk shit, as unfortunate as this is,  they will find a way.

 

Ther you all have it. A social media review from both sides. Hope you all enjoyed this post and the fact that I’m getting back in the swing of things and posting more frequently.

Until next time

Alicia

October 1st

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Happy Halloween! well not really, but it is October 1st, so it basically is the same thing. If Christmas gets the entire month of December and half the month of November (Also i have already seen Christmas decorations and it was only September so Christmas sort of gets the last third of the year), So, Happy Halloween!

That literally isn’t even what this post is about. October 1st is World Vegetarian Day, it was also VeganMania in Chicago, but I had to babysit for the entire duration of the event so I unfortunately couldn’t attend. I also missed a goat walk, so that was probably the worst part.

Anyway, I have decided to go back on my journey through veganism over the past year and see what I’ve learned and how I’ve changed.

I remember vividly, my first night of college, my roommate and I went to Chipotle. I ordered chicken on my burrito bowl and my roommate looked disgusted at me and said “Chicken? You know they kill them right?” And I sat there, unfazed, as I continued to spew my order to the guy behind the counter. And here I am, a year later, yelling at the man in the chicken commercial who brags that their chickens are organic and cage free.

While I mentioned in one of my most recent posts that I had been a bad vegan, I have been. This journey has been long, grueling, however rewarding. I have no shame that for my first 18 years of my life, I lived on mac and cheese, grilled cheese, chocolate milk and bacon! Then my roommate has me watch forks over knives, cowspiracy, and other random videos about animal abuse.

Then, I went full vegan. Something not many people do all at once. Most people I know go vegetarian first for a few years, and then if they’re feeling outrageous, they go vegan. I however, cut animal products cold turkey. It has been a struggle, a rewarding one but a struggle nonetheless. I really feel that I should have transitioned slower, and maybe I wouldn’t have ‘cheated.’ I didn’t, and am learning how difficult this is.

I understand that this isn’t cheating, technically, because I am the one who is doing this. I am in this by myself for myself and for the animals.

I have been trying my best to remember why it is that I started the transition to veganism. I am doing it for the animals. I am doing so that 100 less animals are killed every year, and that despite all of the animals killed and tortured, it won’t be because of me.

Today, a year later, here I am, struggling but doing very well at it. I wouldn’t consider myself full vegan because I have slipped up a few times, but I am trying. Today, I am 30 pounds lighter, happier, crying whenever I see farm animals that were saved, and yelling at every chicken commercial I see. I really needed to write this post, for myself, to show how far I’ve come, and to shoe how far I need to go. I am doing well, but still have a long way to go.

So, happy world vegetarian day. Go vegetarian. Then vegan!

Alicia

light

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A goal of mine for as long as I can remember is to exude light. To be as radiant as humanly possible. Like those girls in the movies, whose aura matches her best friends in the back seats who drive around town with their windows down, music blasting into every wandering set of ears they pass.

Over the past 19 years of my life, I’ve come to the conclusion that this idea only exists in movies, that this goal is not something I can possible achieve, and no matter how hard I try, I will in this constant state of longing for this feeling I cannot have.

Despite this conclusion, my mind always wanders to why I can never achieve this. These radiant people I rarely come across of hear about seem so carefree and ethereal, and here I am, just the opposite. Why can’t i be like them? What did they have that I didn’t?

We are the same yet different, the same just under different circumstances. We both face the hardships this world puts on us, yet I just see them in this state, this unworldly state.They make the best of their circumstances, why can’t i make the best of mine?

When I choose to look beyond the hardships I face, beyond all of my obligations, and just focus on things that make me euphoric, I begin to realize,  I emanated light this whole time.

Vegan Chocolate Layer Cake

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One of the items on my summer bucket list was to make a vegan cake, and I surprisingly did it. I’ve had this recipe on a word doc for a while so I don’t have the website where it originated. I also may have adjusted a family recipe to make it vegan, I really can’t remember. Anyway, the cake was delicious, and even my sister, who isn’t vegan, really enjoyed it. Note I didn’t make the frosting (we used store bought) but I have made the frosting for cupcakes I once made and the frosting is delicious as well.

As a kid, I always loved chocolate cake, and I’ve always been a sucker at parties for cake. However, since going vegan, cake has been something I haven’t been able to enjoy. For my birthday I didn’t get a cake (because my family doesn’t really know anything about vegan baking) and just ended up eating grapes after my grandma put candles in a few of them.

With this recipe, I was quite surprised it turned out as good as it did. With a few of my other vegan baking experiences, I’ve ended up with underdone banana bread, dry chocolate chip cookies, and the most disgusting oily frosting I’ve ever eaten (not this recipe’s). So naturally, I was a little bit nervous about making this recipe. Not only did I have to please myself, but my sister was also going to enjoy this cake as well, and I don’t think I would live it down if this recipe turned out less than perfect. However, it did, and after she added some flower sprinkles, the cake was to her liking.

How I made this delicious vegan cake:

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After preheating my oven to 350F, I gathered all of my ingredients (listed at the end of this post)

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Next, in a large bowl (as large as you have) put all of the dry ingredients in that bowl ,and whisk together.

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Now, in a medium sized bowl, add all of the wet ingredients and whisk those together as well.
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Using a mixer, gradually mix the wet ingredients with the dry, making sure not to over mix.
Next, grease two 8″ round pans and divide the batter into the two pans.
Note: When baking my cakes, there was some cake hat stuck to the pan, not too much and the cakes were not difficult to remove, however, to make the residue as minimal as possible and removing the cakes simple, you can place parchment in the pans before pouring the batter.
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Bake  until a toothpick inserted into the center of the cake comes out clean. (40 minutes) Let the cakes cool completely before frosting.

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Once the cakes are cooled, run a knife around the edge of both cake pans, and flip the pans over to remove each cake.
Once the first cake is set on the plate, cover the entire top of that cake with frosting. Then place the second cake on top of that. Frost the entire top of that cake and around the sides of the entire cake. Decorate if needed desired. Serve.
Ingredients
Dry Ingredients:
  • 2½ Cups  Flour
  • 2½ Cups  Sugar
  • 1 Cup Cocoa Powder
  • 1 teaspoon Baking Powder
  • ½ teaspoon Baking Soda
  • 1 teaspoon Salt

Wet Ingredients:

  • 2⅔ Cups Non-Dairy Milk of Choice (I used almond)
  • ⅔ Cups Vegetable Oil (Canola can be used as well)
  • 2 Tablespoons Apple Cider Vinegar
  • 1 Tablespoon Vanilla Extract
Instructions
  1.  Preheat your oven to 350F (180C).
  2. Prepare two 8″ round baking pans by lightly greasing them.
  3. In a large bowl whisk together all of the dry ingredients, then put aside.
  4. In a medium bowl whisk together all of the wet ingredients.
  5. Pour the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients and mix until just combined. Don’t over mix.
  6. Divide the batter into the prepared pans, then bake for about 40 minutes until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. Let the cakes cool completely before frosting.
  7. To Assemble the Cake: Run a knife around the edges of the cake pans, and flip the pans over to remove the cakes.
  8. Set the first cake on your cake plate, and frost the top. Place the second cake on top of the frosted cake, and spread the remaining frosting on top of that cake.
I hope all of my vegans (and non-vegans) try this recipe and let me know how it goes. Also, if anyone has any other fool proof vegan recipes I should try, let me know.
Alicia

Summer Bucket List UPDATE

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Hey everyone, so at the beginning of the summer I made a post depicting my Summer Bucket List, I decided to give you all an update on the things on the list. Let’s get started…

1.Use no Social Media for the entire summer.

I did this for about 2 and a half months. June 3rd- August 22nd (I think but don’t quote me on this). It honestly wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. Not using social media has taught me that there is more to life than constantly checking my phone for updates and seeing how many likes each of my posts gets. Funny thing… I still haven’t redownloaded the Facebook and Twitter app. I did redownload Snapchat and Instagram, but really only check Instagram once a day or less. I do however use snapchat a lot, but I used it wayyy more frequently before I gave it up for the summer.

2. Meet my Fitbit step goal 6 days per week. (goal is 12,000 steps)

Funny story… not actually that funny. I lost my Fitbit (end of July/early August) and just found it the other day, so during the past 3-4 weeks I haven’t been keeping track, however when I did know where it was (my wrist) I was meeting the 12000 step goal at least 5 days a week and almost always 6 days.

3. Take a photo a day (I may start another page on here documenting it)

This failed. I mean I was working constantly and didn’t have much time for other things… I did take at least a few pictures a day and may be putting up a page on my blog for them so keep an eye out…

4. Make a vegan cake.

Okay, I actually did this one last night. I was sitting at home with my sister and we were like “let’s bake something.” While she pushed me to make cookies, I told her that I HAD to make a cake because it was on my summer bucket list. So I found a recipe and we made it. I’m going to make a full post for it because I have a lot to say about it and actually took a few step by step pictures, so once again, keep an eye out for that.

5. Explore Chicago.

Well, I wouldn’t say I explored Chicago, but I definitely did go downtown more times than I normally would have. I went to a lot of new places… restaurants, museums, parks,etc, which is exploring enough for me

6.Spend a weekend in Wisconsin by myself

7.Go to my local farmer’s market.

8.Start doing yoga

9.Complete the one-month makeover

10. Get my passport.

7-10 did not happen… oops

11. Reorganize my room, throw out old things, get rid of clothes I don’t wear, etc.

I did a lot of going through old things and throwing out things I don’t use/need. I organized but since I’m moving into my basement within the month, I wouldn’t say everything is exactly to my liking but it will be once I’m out of this room and in the basement.

12. Make nicecream

nope

13. Go thrifting

I actually did this quite a bit and got some super cool articles of clothing

14. Read 3 books

Working on my third as we speak

15. Run, I want to be able to run a 10k but we’ll see. My knees hate running

16.Write down every good thing that happens to me and put it in  jar or here

17. Get another piercing

18. Get another tattoo

15-18 didn’t happen, unless you count my piercing that closed up and I had to re pierce myself

All for now,

Alicia

hey fam i’ve been gone for a month and here’s why

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Hi friends, sorry for changing my URL once again… haha I suck and am very indecisive. But I like this one and it might (hopefully) stay fro more than a month. Anyway, I decided to blog, mainly because I’ve been in the writing mood lately, yet I haven’t had much to say. Despite this, I wanted to get some words down on paper, or word doc. I had only posted once in August, if you can even call that pitiful post a legitimate post. So I decided to talk about my life a little and what I’m doing with my life, or what I’m not doing with it.

For starters, I’m not going to school. And let me tell you, playing the role of college dropout (not really but that’s what my dad called me) who drives her sister to school in fleece penguin pajama pants and then naps until noon is not all it’s made out to be.

As much as I thought I would love not going to school, not learning, being freed of homework and deadlines, I miss it. I miss school. I miss San Diego more than anything. All of my friends back there are having the times of their lives and I’m here, alone. I mean I do have friends who also stayed home but it’s still not the same. All of my friends and even my sister tell me they’re jealous of a life without homework, but I’d long to do something of the nature. I sleep a lot, I drive my sister to school, and I babysit. That’s it. I play with my dog too sometimes, when she’s not sleeping. Really that’s it.

I’ve been a bad vegan. I ate milk chocolate and a few other things. Not only morally do I regret doing that, but physically as well. My stomach is throwing me the bird for putting those toxins in my body and I feel like I’m dying.

Babysitting has been the highlight of the time I’ve been gone, so let’s discuss that. I started nannying for a family 6 days a week about 15 minutes from my house. They’re a cute Indian family and the whole family is very sweet. The girls are kind, far too hyper, but kind nonetheless. They call me “Miss Alicia” which is the sweetest and most polite thing I’ve ever heard. Aadya is 8 and Dhiti is 6. Aadya loves reading and you have to tell her to put a book down so she can do other things, such as eat and shower. Dhiti can’t stand reading and would rather play restaurant than anything else. They are always eager for me to try their Indian sweets too, which are always delicious, I am ecstatic I found them because they are such a genuine family. They also pay well which is a plus any day.
That’s really it though, I haven’t been doing much. I hope to be blogging more but at the rate I’m at, and the sheer writer’s block I have right now, I won’t be making any promises.
I feel like my blog has become a clutter of random writings, sadness, and life updates and I hope to sort of make a theme for my blog (i guess all of those fit into the lifestyle category… a chaotic lifestyle I suppose) but we’ll see.

So, until I find something to write about or I get my life together
Alicia

kinda sad, kinda empty

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*Let’s get this shitshow started* It’s been a while since I’ve posted. It’s been a while since I’ve even sat at my computer and written. It’s been a while since I’ve done anything remotely productive really.

There have been so many times in the past month to month and a half where I’ve opened up WordPress  and wanted to write, where I tried to write. I even started a post in my drafts a week or two ago, and just wasn’t motivated to finish it. Although I haven’t really been motivated to do much of anything recently, it’s whatever.

I stopped going to work almost entirely. In the last month that I was working I think I went 5 days. I was sick at first and then I was just encapsulated by my bed. I’ve been sleeping day in and day out. The left side of my face is littered with blemishes due to it spending so much time with my pillow. I sleep so much yet the bags under my eyes are more prominent than ever.  And if I wasn’t sleeping, I was moping and laying in bed, only emerging from my fortress to use the bathroom. Half the time I don’t know what day it is, despite it being displayed every time I tap the home button on my iPhone.

I’m not eating, drinking, exercising, I’m not doing anything. I’ve lost 8 pounds in the last month.

I’m depressed. I’m not sure why, but I am. Being at home makes me depressed. I have to be home for at least the next 4 months too. And to be completely and utterly honest with all of you, I don’t want to be depressed for the next 4 months.

It’s funny, at least I think it’s funny. I was sad and empty and depressed for years. It’s like I was trapped. I was hollow. It was as if every second of my life more of my insides were widdled away, until there was nothing left to hollow out.

Then I left my small Chicago suburb for San Diego and it was as if I had never been sad in my entire life. A weight, a forlorn weight, had been lifted off my shoulders and I was free. I was happy, I smiled. I smiled real smiles. I laughed real laughs.  I was truly happy. I don’t smile at home. At least not real smiles. I plaster on the occasional fake smile every once in a while so people don’t think I’m as desolate as I really am. The only things I laugh at now are pointless vines my sister shows me. And I am definitely not happy. I have been home for only 3 months and in those 3 months all of my happiness has diminished and it was like I had never gone to California in the first place.

My hair is brown. I dyed it the other day. I thought that would make me at least a little happy. It didn’t.

I haven’t washed my hair since we dyed it and the only reason I showered then was because I had to rinse the excess dye out. The shirt I’m wearing is dirty. I only put it on today so it looked like I showered and put on clothes. It has a stain on it from the last time I wore it(tea I think) and it has a stain I got on it from eating some leftover pasta at my 10:00 dinner tonight. My face is clean. It’s only clean because I found a face mask and wanted to try it. The mask said to apply to clean skin.

One of my eyebrows is tweezed. The other, I lost any spur to do it, so I didn’t. I haven’t worn a bra in days and I live in sweatpants now.

I’m not sure what this post is about. I really don’t. I don’t want pity. I don’t know what I want. It’s sort of just a life update post, a pretty pathetic one at that.

It’s 1:30 in the morning right now so I’m feeling kinda emo, but I just want to feel things. I don’t want this hollow feeling coursing through my body every second of the day. I want to be able to feel. I want to feel joy, rage, repugnance, dismay hell even melancholy.I just want to feel something, anything. Because right now this hollow pit  has encapsulated my entire being and is dragging me to places I don’t want to be dragged.

I just think I miss being happy, being able to feel. But until I get those abilities back, you can catch me laying in bed in week old sweatpants, unkempt hair, with my Shrek pillow pet.

Until next time
Alicia