Self-Love – Page 8 – Living off Leesh

CUPCAKES

Published on July 2, 2016May 27, 2018 by AliciaLeave a comment

Alright, friends. Living in California and being vegan is one thing. There are vegan shops, cafes, restaurants, and Whole Foods on every other block. In Chicago, on the other hand, vegan food is a bit more hard to come by. Yes, I can get my fresh fruit, veg, and yes my ever so needed protein at Target, Trader Joe’s, and our sole Whole Foods. However, when it comes to sweets, and meals at restaurants that are vegan that’s another story.

For my birthday, I mentioned I was going to make a vegan cake. Yet, on the day of my birthday our gas went out and I was unable to use my stove. Wanting some sort of cake or cupcake because what kind of birthday is it without cake? My mom and I ventured to Whole Foods to see if we could find some vegan cake. They only had gluten-free cakes 😦 BUT they had vegan cupcakes. Naturally, I bought 3 to have one then and then save some for later. It was not only one of the best vegan desserts I have ever eaten but any dessert I have ever eaten. Also, it turns out that the cupcakes are made right here in Chicago.

This morning, my mom and I made the drive there, got there right as they opened and got 6 cupcakes. 3 vegan and gluten-free and 3 regulars (I’m the only vegan in the house).

The outside of Swirlz. Very quaint but super adorable

Swirlz (the name of the cupcake place) has flavors of the day. They mainly are nonvegan and filled with gluten but they also make gluten-free ones, and vegan and gluten-free ones. Today’s selection in the vegan and gluten-free department were cookie dough and vanilla. I’m typically not too keen on cookie dough or vanilla. I’m more of a chocolate kind of gal. However, upon returning home, and opening the super cute box the cupcakes were housed in, I have fallen in love with cookie dough cupcakes and the Swirlz cupcake shop in general. The cupcake was sort of like a chocolate chip cupcake with a dollop of cookie dough in it and then topped with vanilla frosting and a cookie dough piece.

The shop was super adorable and I am definitely feeling a second trip on a different day for another cupcake type. 😉

PS, I highly recommend this shop to any of my followers who are ever in my neck of the woods. Vegan or not, their cupcakes are to die for.

They are located at: 705 w. Belden, Chicago, IL 60614

Their website can be found here

If any of you have been there or are planning on making a trip, let me know.

Alicia

Starbucks stop after the cupcake stop

Ty mom for this photo. Ty vinted for my cute kimono

🙂

She looks a little upset because she knew she wasn’t getting any

June Reflection

Published on June 30, 2016May 27, 2018 by Alicia2 Comments

From turning 19, to starting my new job, June has been quite an intense and busy month. Not only has it been busy, tiring, and all around hectic, it has been quite eye opening. I’ve learned a lot, done a lot, and slept a lot :/. All in all, I loved June.

Starting my first big girl job, technically began on May 31st… but that’s basically June. It has been tortuous and hard but I have learned a lot about hard work and met a lot of wonderful people. So, despite it being rough and my body still aching every day after work, I do like my job. I do not think, however, that I could do this longer than a summer.

This month I made the decision to give up social media. And my oh my was that the best decision of the summer. I am happier, more social, and while not up to date on everything, I have been able to focus more on myself which is something I typically don’t do.

Speaking of focusing on myself, I was finally able to pinpoint aspects of my life I was not content with. Not only that, but I also had the courage to discuss these things. Yes, I am talking about my college conundrum.

I typically am able to speak up for myself when I’m not happy with something, however, when it’s your family who wants you to do something and is paying the vast majority of tuition to do that something, you tend to be stuck between a rock and a hard place. My whole life I had excelled at everything math and science. Out of over 100 students my freshman year, I was ranked #4 for my algebra class. It’s a pretty solid accomplishment, especially since I was adapting to a new environment and still managed to get almost a 100% in the class. Anyways, it’s something I am naturally good at. Naturally, my family assumed I would do something in the math and science field and wanted me to do so in order to get a high paying job. It took every ounce of courage and bravery to stand up to my family and tell them I wanted to do something completely out of that ballpark and I’m so proud of myself for doing that and overcoming this obstacle in my life.

Finally, I turned 19. A pretty insignificant year if you ask me. One year closer to 21, but also one year closer to adulthood. Nonetheless, I turned 19 and had the delight of sleeping in and eating some very cute, and very yummy vegan and gluten free cupcakes.

I am in a really good place right now and loving life. Farewell June, bring it on July.

Alicia

Giddy but Inconclusive

Published on June 27, 2016May 27, 2018 by Alicia2 Comments

Alrighty-o fam. Here we are, still giddy and such despite having worked a full shift on my feet today and wanting to pass out.

Now, we have made it this far with my college choice and major decision, here comes the hard part: choosing a school. I can recall quite vividly crying on my couch as I scrolled over every college website I possibly could, without having a major in mind. Never in my life did I think I would have to complete this process all over again unless of course, I would be attending graduate school (besides the point). However, at this point, I have a solid major and minor combo (Spanish major with photojournalism minor) and need to find a school containing both, being cheap, and probably closer to home. I didn’t really miss home but it’s a request of my family. Also, my training I have to go to is based out of the midwest so it helps that I’ll be closer. Also, I sort of want a smaller school because I felt like I knew like 2 people at SDSU because of how big it is.

Funny isn’t it, how when choosing my first college I wanted as far from home as I could get, big school, warm weather, and a school with a football team. After me realizing that my parents weren’t just going to sneak up on me any random time, attending one football game, and realizing I hated the big school atmosphere, I want the complete opposite from a school. I’m still on boat with the school being as cheap as possible, but honestly, who isn’t?

We have a variety of schools to choose from, not too large of a variety but enough wiggle room to have a few good schools that I’ll be sure to find at least one I love.

The school choices (so far) are…

Cardinal Stritch University (Wisconsin)
Otterbein University (Ohio)
University of Indianapolis (Indiana)
University of Tennessee-Martin (Tennessee)
Andrews Universty (Michigan)
Murray State University (Kentucky)
Ashland University (Ohio)
Winona State University (Minnesota)
The University of Findlay (Ohio)
Xavier University (Ohio)

I’m sort of partial to Xavier University in Cincinnati because that was actually my top choice behind SDSU but I didn’t choose it because they have no football team, it was small, and religious (I know you don’t have to be of that religion to attend but still, Theology 101… really?!)

So, who knows. Might end up at Xavier, might end up at one of the others I mentioned. Or I may even end up elsewhere.

Update on my current schooling situation. I will not be attending ASU in the fall and will most likely be staying here and working or babysitting and whatnot. However, my aunt is in town from Phoenix and still wants me to live with her. So I might go live with my aunt for the fall semester and work but honestly. who knows? Not me.

I have a lot on my plate for the next few weeks and a lot of tough decisions to make. However, I’m happy (and tired) as can be.

Alicia

June 12th, 1997 7:21am

Published on June 12, 2016May 27, 2018 by Alicia3 Comments

At that minute on this day I was born. Crazy isn’t it. How 19 years ago I was merely a crying, pooping, and eating small ball of human and now, 19 years later, I am a crying, pooping, and eating large human.

Birthdays to me are the weirdest thing. Why do we celebrate them? For so many people, June 12th is only National Peanut Butter Cookie Day, but for those I know, and others with this birthday it is a day to celebrate our birth.

Why do we celebrate birthdays? Like it’s just one more orbit around the sun I’ve had. One more school year, one year closer to becoming an adult, one year closer to death. For the longest time I haven’t really found the need for birthdays. And celebrating them. I mean, yeah it’s nice when friends from high school send you a quick text or something to show they were thinking of you, but does it really matter? What about the 100 people that post on your facebook wall? Do some of them care about you? Yeah of course all of my aunts and uncles who can’t work phones but can navigate facebook do. But does that girl who sat across from me in Spanish freshman year?

Is your worth and how many people care about you determined by how many people wish you a happy birthday?

Sometimes people forget. Like I forgot to text one of my best friends on his birthday this year. I haven’t been using my phone that much this summer and work has been absolutely killing me so I forgot. But at the end of the day, I still care about him 365 days of the year and one measly birthday text I didn’t send won’t change that. There are some people I’m close with who didn’t text me happy birthday. Could be for a number of reasons. They forgot, they don’t know my birthday, or whatever it may be.

Do we celebrate them for the gifts? When I was younger we had birthday parties and got tons of gifts. Now, that I’m 19 I really just want some sleep, an edible arrangement, and some new leggings. I’m not that hard to please.

Why do people have to have one special day? Why can’t we cherish and praise everyone year round. We should always let people know they are special and loved and needed, and not just shoot them a text on their birthday reminding them of this.I think everyday should be a celebration of everyone. You’re alive? Great. You’re breathing? Amazing. When we give people special days all to themselves either they shoot up their expectations too high and don’t get what they wanted or we get the show My ultimate Sweet 16 party or whatever it’s called.

Sorry, rant over. Also, I’m 19 how weird is that. Last year of being a teen and one year until I beat the teen pregnancy stereotype. Holla.

Alicia

Leaving my phone at home: The chronicle

Published on June 11, 2016May 27, 2018 by Alicia1 Comment

5:10am the sound of the radar ringtone courses through my room as my head leaves my pillow searching for my phone to end that obnoxious sound.

5:15am After checking my phone for any texts and Kim Kardashian game notifications, I emerge from my room, shielding my eyes from the light glowing from downsairs. I make my way to my kitchen to have a quick bowl of cereal.

5:45am after exiting the shower, I move to my bed to check my phone, still on the charger.

5:57am By the time I check the time it is 5:57. My bed is drenched, I am not dressed, and I have less than 15 minutes to do everything I have to do.

6:12am I am in the car on the way to work. I start to doze off and hope I had remembered to do everything I needed.

6:37am As we make our first stop of the day, I rummage through my purse looking for my brush, eyebrow pencil, chapstick, and phone. I can only find the first 3. As panick courses through my veins as I open every pocket in purse, check the pocket on the side of the door, under my seat. Nothing. What ever will I do with no phone??

8:30am My first break of the day and the opportunity to use my phone. Oh wait. Instead of being on my phone for the short 10 minutes, I talk to people. Such a concept. I learn about Maria’s chile she is having for lunch, Blanca’s tattoos, and so much more.

11:30am Lunch time. Another 20 minute opportunity for phone usage. I grab my lunch and head into my dad’s office. I sit with him and talk to him, about his day, about everything that’s beem annoying him, and to everyone who walks into his office during those 20 minutes.

2:00pm Last break before I am done for the day. I sit with my dad again and the break goes by all too quickly. Learning about how a truck had to be sent back for the second time, and how everyone is annoying him

3:00pm I am done for the day but I still about 45 minutes until my father is done. I sit in his office talking to everyone who comes in, and him as well.

5:00pm We just arrived home and I throw my stuff in my room and don’t even grab my phone. Turns out a day with no phone wouldn’t be as bad I thought.
Alicia

The life of an extroverted introvert

Published on June 7, 2016October 14, 2016 by AliciaLeave a comment

Wanting to do absolutely everything and absolutely nothing all at the same time. Have a weekend free from work, homework, and obligations, and not being able to decide whether or not I should lie in bed for the entire 48 hours or see as many friends as I possibly could.

Why am I like this I wonder. Why is it, that despite wanting to see my friends and spend time with them and use every valuable ounce of time I have available to see them, I somehow still manage to retreat to my bedroom and stair at the ceiling while listening to my music on shuffle.

It’s strange too. When I choose to leave the solace of my room to spend time with others, I also seem to be wishing I was back home in bed, and that I’d never even left bed that day. Yet, when I stay in bed all day and I see my friends hanging out with other friends, I tend to wish I had accepted their invitations all too often.

Somedays I wish I could be one of those people who sees 5 or more friends in a day and has a party while doing it. Some days I wish I would be content with staying curled up in my room all day. Yet, I am tragically blessed that I get to live the life of both of these people, making me truly and extroverted introvert.

Alicia

Dear Body…

Published on March 10, 2016February 1, 2018 by AliciaLeave a comment

Dear body,
You know this already, but I have rekindled my love for exercise and eating healthy and taking care of myself. Due to this, I have also recently realized that all of my years of hating you has taken its toll.

I have spent the past 10 years hating you. I have spent the last 10 years pinching and poking at you, as if my fingers possessed some sort of magic power, granting me the ability to make you smaller and fit society’s ideals. I have spent 10 years hating what I saw in the mirror looking back at me. I have spent the last 10 years telling my mom, dad, friends etc that I did put sunscreen on when in fact I didn’t but I wanted to change the eggshell coating I was given to obtain that longed after sun kissed glow. I have spent 10 years paging through magazines, looking in awe of actresses, singers, Victoria Secret models, and other celebrities near and far, asking myself why don’t you look like them. It has come to my attention that all of this negative energy, and poking, prodding, hating, it has harmed you.

At age 14, I started counting calories. After everyone had told me you were too big, too unhealthy. After my doctor had told me your size had skyrocketed. After people had told me than you needed to be sucked in, hid under clothes, changed, tampered with, etc. Because of all of this, I only allowed 1200 calories for you every day.I did this, hoping to make you smaller, more appealing, more loved, more accepted. When in reality I was harming you, depriving you of all you needed. All you needed to keep me functioning. What I would fill you with was 1200 calories of horrible, processed garbage. I was harming you. I was eating so little and not giving you the proper nutrients for a little girl to grow, flourish, thrive. I was trying to make you smaller, prettier, tanner. I was trying to make you the complete opposite of what you were. I would always leave you wanting more, my stomach grumbling with starvation, and for a while I would not give in.

Alas, these 1200 calorie days were not feasible. So I started bingeing. I would eat a carrot for breakfast. 30 calories for the most important meal of the day. Skipping lunch and then working out trying to burn as many calories as possible. When 3pm hit, and you were sick of being empty, I would fill you with any processed foods I could get my hands on from cookies, cakes, crackers, ice cream… anything to fill up my sad and grumbling stomach. I would do this constantly and then hate myself and you for letting this happen to me.

Everything I would do to you was out of hatred. Every blade to slice open my skin, every suicidal thought, every time I would starve myself to make you more appealing, every time I would binge, was out of hatred to you. When all this time, after all of the years I hated you, you did nothing but love me. You, you were the only one to love me unconditionally after all I had been through. After everything I did to you, you continued to love me.

I never realized all you have done for me. Every day and night for 19 years you have struggles keeping me alive… Struggled keeping me healthy, sane, thriving. Trying so hard to manage on the food I was putting into you, and it was hard. It has been so hard. And I’m so sorry. Every time I put the razor to my skin because I hated you so much, you would also try to fix yourself. Every part of my body adorned with scars show me this. Every time I would starve myself and not eat despite how many times your grumbles crying out for me to eat, you wouldn’t get mad at me. You still love me, despite everything I have done to you.

Every hateful word I have said and every harsh thing I have done to you, you have continued to love me unconditionally and keep me alive on this world. All I Have to say is that I am sorry. I am sorry for harming you. I am sorry for not loving you. I am sorry for not seeing all you have done and continue to do for me.

I am trying, body. I am trying to love you. I am trying to love you and myself. However, it’s been so hard. But I’m working on it. Nothing but good food has entered you since January 16th. My last binge was January 13th. The last time a razor touched you was September 3rd, 2015. I am working, and I am trying. Thank you for not giving up on me, despite all of the times I have given up on you. I love you.

Alicia