Beginnings and Endings

Hi all. If you remember me talking about my BIG move to Spain to teach at a university here, well… it happened. I’m currently sitting in my Airbnb in Ciudad Real, Spain as I type this. I’ve been here for one week, and I’ve fallen in love with this city.

I’m not typing this post as means of a WOOHOO I’m in Spain… quite the latter. Unfortunately, I will be heading home. I don’t really want to get into why because I’ve been stressing for the past few days about it. I’m heading home and my life in Spain will have gone just as quickly as it came.

Although I’m very disheartened that this journey of mine is coming to a rather abrupt halt, I’m seeing the good in this whole situation and there are actually a lot of upsides to this situation I’ve found out.

  • I get to see my dog on WEDNESDAY. She is going to be so confused as to why I cried about leaving her for over an hour [I spent almost every waking minute with her since I started quarantining on March 18th… give me a break] and now I’m home so quick.
  • I get to see my aunt’s dog on Wednesday as well. My aunt got surgery and is going to be in rehab for about a month so until then, TWO dogs.
  • I get to make more money than I would have while in Spain. No matter what I do, I’ll be making more money in America per paycheck than per month in Spain [not that I cared about that, I wanted this experience more than any amount of money].
  • ~Hopefully~, I get to take a trip to Europe with my sister next summer. She’s always wanted to go to Paris, and I have a hankering to go to London and all of the UK, so hopefully, we’ll be able to head over there for a few weeks. We can take the HARRY POTTER tour, go to Harry Styles’ bakery, and see the Louvre. Also, she’s my personal photographer so the Instagram content from that trip would be AMAZING.
  • I get to VOTE. I left for Spain before early voting started in my county and I was unsure if my mail-in ballot would make it to Spain and back to America in time once I got my address. However, when I get home, I’ll head straight to the early voting polls and get to ~hopefully~ vote out 45.
  • I am going to be able to focus on me. I probably won’t be able to get a full-time teaching job [since the semester is halfway over] nor do I want one in the condition America is in right now as to not risk getting COVID in a room with 25 germ spreaders. I’ll probably find something part-time [retail, babysitting /e-learning help, substitute teaching, etc.] and I will have plenty of time to take care of myself. I will be going to therapy [probably twice per week to start], exercising, eating right, reading, writing, and doing everything that I love.
  • I might write a novel! I have always wanted to participate in NaNoWriMo and because COVID will most likely still be terrorizing America next month, I should have enough time to do it. I also have a great idea [or at least I think I do] so once I create some characters, figure out the rest of the plot, etc. NaNoWriMo here I come.


Finally, while talking to my sister last night [amidst my mental breakdown from this hectic week I’ve had] and she said I looked sad and emotionally drained. Honestly, I am. I don’t think it’s just from this week but from everything built up that I’m finally starting to recognize. It’s very easy to put your mental health off in college because it’s “cute and quirky” to be depressed and to be anxious and to be so stressed you cry. When you’ve graduated… girl, go to therapy. Also, this past week I’ve been alone most of the time. COVID is preventing me from going out and meeting people and every ‘tourist’ activity I want to do is also closed so I’ve been spending a lot of time in my hotel room, pent up with just my thoughts. And let me tell you, my brain needs a lot of help at the moment. I love traveling but my sister told me that I use traveling to put off getting mental help. It’s true [I hate it when little siblings are correct]. I live off that travel high long after I return and when I get back into my head aging, away I go on a new trip. So, while I wish I could have been living in Spain and working on me, I think for myself [present and future] I’m going to benefit the most from being home for the foreseeable future.

I think I’m meant to live in Spain for an extended period… I do. However, this year just isn’t it. I will return one day to Spain but it might not be this year or even next year. Whether I return to Spain as a tourist or to teach again, I know I’ll be back one day. J

España, te quiero mucho y regresaré un día.
❤ Alicia

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