Long time no blog. This post is a few days overdue but here it is. I am back in San Diego and very happy about that. It’s weird though. Both times I have left Chicago for San Diego, I have gotten a weird feeling the night before and the entire morning up until getting on the plane. I can’t quite explain what that exact feeling is. Perhaps not one, but a mixture. Perhaps this swirl of emotions is a combination of excitement, anxiety, fear, anticipation, exhaustion, and confusion. Of course I’m excited to be back in San digeo, my new home because of the people and things to do/ see. I’m anxious that I could have possibly forgotten something at home or forgot to see someone. I’m fearful that I did these as well and fear that I could miss my flight or my friends wouldn’t return 2nd semester. Anticipation to be back in my comfy cozy dorm, exhaustion because I got a solid 2 hours of sleep the night before I left due to all of these emotions, and finally confusion. Confusion because of these emotions and why the mere sight of my dog that morning caused me to cry.
Leaving home, my solace throughout the last 10 years is weird. Not bad weird, because leaving is a sign of moving on… but good weird. Weird isn’t the proper term. Surreal is. Going to school and then having a tease of a month that seems like you never left in the first place. Surreal is the only way to describe. Waking up in my dorm this morning with my roommate getting ready for the gym was surreal. The fact that I can’t wake up at 11 or 2 and then just lay around my house with my dog all day. Surreal. All of it. Leaving my dog, sister, friends, and family.I don’t mind it. I’ll be back in the groove of things within a week and it’ll seem as though break and never happened.
Going to college 2500 miles from home and only being able to go home a select number of times throughout the year has taught my many times. One, that time goes by fast and these breaks while they seem as though they never happened, will give me everlasting memories and that I must appreciate the time I have with them. From Christmas festivities, New Years Parties, late night Denny’s run, or even just dinner with my grandparents. I have learned to appreciate time and that I won’t remember every little detail of break or use my time wisely every day (staying up until 6am and waking up at 3pm) I have learned to appreciate time because I won’t always be living in Chicago. As much as I love it there and the people and everything to do I would prefer to not be a human popsicle in the winter.
Anyway, back to this surreal feeling. Besides the mix of emotions, it may also be a feeling of growing up, or maybe leaving a place where I hated initially but have grown to love, or maybe leaving the familiarity of a place. Despite it, it completely disappears when I sit down at my gate alone at the airport.
Then comes excitement. The excitement that I can leave my house with wet hair and not become a walking icicle, Excitement about 2nd semester, and seeing my roommate, and all of my friends, and just being able to explore a new place again (Just because I can tell you every coffee shop in a 20 mile radius doesn’t mean I know San Diego completely haha).
After getting off of the plane I get a feeling of relief. Relief that the guy next to me on the plane was hot, didn’t smell, and talked to me abut his life and asked me about mine for a good portion of the flight. Relief that I didn’t die on the plane. Relief that soon my backpack and luggage that is crammed full with books, clothes, food, etc., made it to San Diego safely, and that it didn’t burst despite all of my thoughts and that I made my sister sit on both of my suitcases so I could zip them. Relief that after a short uber ride I would be in my dorm and would be able to relax, unpack, and wait for the arrival of my roommate
Upon arriving to my dorm, exhaustion hits. It’s only 1 San Diego time but I woke up at 330 in the morning San Diego time. And after only 2 hours of sleep and a series o short naps on the plane, exhaustion probably isn’t a harsh enough word. Exhaustion from lugging my bags all over the place and my back hurting from all of the textbooks in it. Exhaustion from traveling and being yelled at by TSA people and just exhaustion from being uncomfortable on the plane. All I want to do is sleep but my 2 suitcases that are bursting at the seams are crying out, “Alicia, unpack us please” I know I have to do so much but my bed looks so comfortable. I push forth and unpack my bags. Once all of my things have been put away neatly, and my suitcases are back under my bed awaiting for spring break, content is the only thing I feel. I’m content that I am in San Diego. Content with my neat room and that I have nothing left to pack. Content that I can sprawl out in my bed and not me crammed in a plane. Content that the only thing on my agenda is telling people I made it to the dorm safely. I am content with me. I am content. I am content with being content.
Talk to you all soon